The door is closed!

Posted on June 23, 2025 by levasseurjohn

Early in my sobriety, when something didn’t happen the way I thought it should, I would sulk and pout, saying, “How can this be happening to me?” It would go on for days while I focused on myself and how I had been wronged.

The process of healing would be long and painful, as I focused all my energy on the problem and did not seek a solution.

The same thing would happen when a relationship ended, and I had a few of those. I would focus on what was done to me and how I was wronged. Again, I suffered needlessly looking at the problem.

It wasn’t until somewhere in my tenth year that the answer came to me, and it was so simple. I was working at a job I loved, traveling all over the country. I have commented many times on what it’s like being self-employed. Right after the year 2000, bugs were all fixed, the company didn’t have any work lined up for the next year, and again, I was let go. This time it was different. My anger at the company’s president was handled differently.

Someone at a meeting said, “When one door closes, another will open, but if you put all your focus on the closed door, you’ll never see those open behind you.” I made a conscious decision to seek a solution.

When I dropped into the local sober club, midday, the local newspaper was on the front porch. I remember saying, “Maybe my answer is in here.” After greeting the handful of guys who were always hanging out, I sat down and opened the paper. There in the middle of the page was an ad for Oracle Database School seminar that evening. I took it as a sign and went. After the presentation, I sat with a counselor, and he informed me how the State of New Hampshire was sponsoring qualified candidates. The bottom line is I followed through and spent the next year in school, fully paid.

If my old behaviors were active, I would have missed the opportunity.

I know now everything in this life is a lesson of one sort or another, and the quicker I learn the lesson, the faster I move ahead. That applies to every facet of my life.

Take a glance at the problem and immediately get into the solution, looking for what the Universe is trying to show you. You will be led if you have an open mind and the willingness to have patience along with a few prayers asking for direction.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Practice these principles

Posted on June 11, 2025 by levasseurjohn

Let’s learn about the 12 Principles (Honesty, Hope, Faith, Courage, Integrity, Willingness, Humility, Brotherly Love, Justice, Perseverance, Spirituality, and Service).

Years ago I helped start a Principles Meeting. At the end of the meeting, after discussing how well we did on practicing last week’s principle, someone would draw from a basket the principle we would be working on for the next week.

Let us see what the dictionary says about their meaning:

Honesty: Trustworthy, integrity, honor, morality, and truth.

Hope: Aspiration, desire, wish, expectation, ambition, aim, goal, plan, or dream.

Faith: Complete trust or confidence in someone or something. Trust, belief, confidence, conviction; optimism, hopefulness, or hope.

Courage: The quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc., without fear.

Integrity: The quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness. Honesty, probity, honor, good character, ethics, righteousness, decency, fairness, sincerity, truthfulness, or trustworthiness 

Willingness: The quality or state of being prepared to do something without knowing the results.

Humility: The quality or knowing it’s not all about me. Not taking credit when it’s not earned. Realizing that God has all the power and is given credit.

Brotherly Love: Accepting each person as being exactly who they are and loving them anyway. Forgiving any transgressions without expectations.

Justice: God’s plan in action while accepting the outcome of any situation as being that.

Perseverance: Steadfastness in doing something despite difficulty or delay in achieving success. Persistence, or determination.

Spirituality: The quality of being concerned with the human spirit or soul as opposed to material or physical things.

Service: The action of helping or doing work for someone without asking for something in return.

Each one of these principles has its own special meaning and effects on my personality. If I could only do it 100% of the time, what a life I could have. The formula is already laid out; I just need to follow it.

There is no reason to wait for someone to start a Principles Meeting in your area. You can make your own basket with each principal, on paper, and draw one at the beginning of each week. During the next week, make an effort to put the principle into effect the best you can. By the end of week twelve, I believe you will be very pleased with how your life has changed. I know I was.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

We will not regret the past

Posted on May 18, 2025 by levasseurjohn

Promise number three in the Ninth Step Promises states, “We will not regret the past, nor wish to shut the door on it.”

When I first looked at this, it didn’t make sense. “We will not regret the past.” How can that be? Is it right to say, “I don’t regret the nasty things I’ve done to those I love?” How can I say I don’t regret being a lousy father, husband, employee or friend? For me not to have bad feelings for the hurtful things I’ve done, sounds like I’m putting my stamp of approval or not taking responsibility for my actions.

Regret carries emotions, feelings, and memories for each event. As a practicing alcoholic, there was always an excuse. Someone else was always at fault for my misgivings. People were hurt. How can I say I don’t regret that?

During my first ten years in recovery, I carried a full sack of guilt and shame around with me 24 hours a day. I was constantly looking at the evil things I’d done, reminding myself what a dirtbag I really was. These thoughts do not help at all in recovering from a hopeless state of mind and body.

Guilt says “I’ve done something wrong.” Shame tells me “There’s something wrong with me.” Guilt is much easier to heal than shame. With professional help, I turned my shame into guilt and started treating the things I had done. I separated myself as a person from the things I did. That made the behavior the culprit and not me as a person.

While looking in the mirror every morning, I would recall parts of my life which I regretted. Then I would say something like, “I forgive you for doing this or that. I really like who you have become and don’t do those things anymore.” This way I could heal the repulsive feelings about myself and still not put my stamp of approval on the behavior. By not looking for an excuse, I realized I was in the throes of Alcoholism and did the best I could during those years.

Over time and lots of mirror gazing, I came, little by little, to like the person looking back at me. The more I practiced it, the better I felt. Today after many years of healing, I can honestly say I love myself. If I can love my kids, a partner, job or a beautiful car, why isn’t it alright to say I love myself?

The second part, “Nor wish to shut the door on it,” is what was left after the forgiveness was complete. I love who I am today, so why would I continue to punish myself. Forgiveness has placed me beyond that. I still need to remember, in a general way, what happened. Today when I look, I see what happened in my life while I was drinking in the third person. This realization helps me stay focused on what could happen if I drank again. No longer do I have a knot in my chest when a memory returns. I see it, process the memory and put it back where it belongs, on the pile of mistakes I’ve made, and forgiveness from God has been granted.

Those who I’ve hurt have long since forgiven me so why is it so hard for me to forgive myself? It isn’t, but it does take lots of effort. You can’t just read the Promises and expect something is going to change. Knowing how to grow corn will never put a meal on the table. I must put the suggestions into actions. When I do, the payoff is huge. It’s way better than I was promised. Being free of guilt and shame is certainly a God-given gift, but I have to take the action of opening my hands to empty all the stuff I’m carrying from the past. Once I let go, there’s room for God’s gift.

What do you have to lose? Start talking in the mirror and begin the forgiveness process. Complete the work and be free or I’ll give your misery back if you don’t feel better within a few months. You may find yourself saying you love who you have become. It could happen in the next year if you start now!

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Don’t Pray

Posted on May 13, 2025 by levasseurjohn

“If you’re going to worry, don’t bother to pray, and if you’re going to pray, don’t worry.”

When I worry, it means I don’t believe there’s a God who cares about me. Have you ever felt that God is so big and has so many people to look after? Is there no way He could make time for this humble servant? Well, He does. How can I say that? It’s one of those things I call knowing. I know about the air I breathe. I can’t see it, and without it, I would die. That makes it necessary, yet I trust it will always be there. When it comes to God, there’s this inner feeling, a knowing that I can’t put into words; it just is. It could be blind faith, but it’s more than that.

The second part is, “If you’re going to pray, don’t bother to worry.” This results from praying and trying to let go of fear, which is fueling the problem. For a long time, I wasn’t very successful in letting go. Early on, I called it “Claw marks.” Claw marks were in everything I tried to turn over or let go of. I still doubted Thomas, who needed to put his hand in Jesus’s side to be sure. I am 90% sure most of the time, but that nagging 10% can consume my focus.

Each time I turned things over and the outcome was better than I could have imagined, I learned to trust just a little more. Today, I can say I pray all the time and have almost zero worries.

It’s not getting down on my knees and saying some rehearsed formal prayer when I pray. I do as Jesus taught, “Go into your room, close the door, and talk with your father who is in heaven.” I also know how the Kingdom of Heaven is inside me. We each have a Secret Place if we want to look for it. The Secret Place is where I talk to God as I would speak to a perfect earthly father. I always wanted the “Leave it to Beaver” family, and now I have Him.

For me, the secret to success in prayer is practice. When a difficult circumstance raises its ugly head, take a deep breath before saying a prayer, asking for God’s guidance, and then let it go. Get busy doing something else, like helping others, without expecting anything. You will see how the situation unfolds once you step back and out of the driver’s seat. You may be pleasantly surprised by how the outcome is far better than it may have been if you bulldozed your way through it.

Like many other ideas I’m trying to convey, it only works if you work it, so start today. Why wait? Turn the worry you have right now over to God while stepping back to watch the outcome.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Why is it that some get it, while other don’t

Posted on May 4, 2025 by levasseurjohn

Ever since the first members stumbled into AA, there has been the question, “Why do some get it and others don’t?” Some stop drinking, come to their first meeting, and never drink again. Others put down the drink for some time, but always return to drinking or drugging for one reason or another. Usually, the real reason is well hidden, and an excuse is used or someone is blamed for the relapse. Frequently accused is the wife, the job or the kids. It’s always someone other than me.

What makes one stay sober while others are caught in a revolving door?

First, we have to look at what makes alcoholics different from those who don’t have this problem. Most alcoholics are raised with the idea that the world is a cruel and untrusting place, and they are getting what they deserve. The non-alcoholic has this crazy notion that growing up is a fun time. They believe the world is laid out for them, and life is beautiful. This group doesn’t need to escape from reality the same way the alcoholic does. For the alcoholic, life is tolerated until the first drink or drug is found. With that, the flight begins. The world became a much better place for me when the buzz was on. I discovered that what I thought was reality wasn’t. I followed the dark side, and my life unfolded negatively. At twenty years of age, I became a daily drinker. Life during those years was right on the edge of trudging through or calling it quits.

There came a time when my distorted reality was stronger than the escape tools I used. I could not stand me anymore. After being arrested and jailed, life crumbled before my eyes. I knew I must stop drinking and find a suitable substitute for alcohol.

It was late one Monday night, after attending my first meeting, when I was shown an alternative. I remember it like it was yesterday. I went home, knelt, and said, “Please, God, help me! I can’t stop drinking!” That was thirty years ago, and I haven’t had a drink since.

     I had the substitute but didn’t realize it until many years later. I knew deep within I didn’t have to drink anymore. It took a long time to forgive myself, but with God’s help, it did happen.

My spiritual journey has taken the place of drugs and alcohol. I have since learned to accept things as they are and how to deal with the adversities life sends my way. Life today isn’t perfect, but it’s a lot better than when alcohol was in the driver’s seat.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

The Day I Got It

Posted on April 15, 2025 by levasseurjohn

Published in the May issue of the AA Magazine, The Grapevine

Though trust was a huge issue, he finally went to “any length.” He picked up the phone and dialed

For years, AA members have shared catchy phrases that help us in recovery. One of the toughest ones is from the chapter “How It Works” in our Big Book, which is read at every meeting: “If you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it …”

In early sobriety, I tried to understand this phrase. When I looked around the meeting room, I saw well-dressed members who drove fancy cars, and I wanted what they had. I’d see a biker with a pretty tattooed lady on his arm, and I wanted that too. But then there were the guys who wandered into the meeting for cookies and a coffee. I didn’t want what they had.

My judgment on what the words “get it” meant was 180 degrees from their true meaning. It took years, maybe 10 or so, before the light finally appeared in my brain. The “it” they were referring to was not something material, but an inner peace or understanding that there is a power greater than myself and that power loves me.

That “peaceful, easy feeling,” to quote a phrase from an Eagles song, came at a price. It was a price I wasn’t willing to pay at first. Then one day, I found a gun in my hand, and it was pointed at my head. A voice in my head said, “Either pull the trigger or start trusting in someone.” Until that point, trust was a huge issue for me. But that day I put down the gun and picked up the phone, which was, in its own way, equally as heavy.

Thank God there was a familiar voice on the other end when I made that call. It was my temporary sponsor. I had asked him to be my temporary a year earlier, and this was the first time I called him. I’d figured just seeing him at meetings would be enough. I told him what I was contemplating, and he said to meet me at the local sober clubhouse.

When I got there, he and I sat in the back while others played cards. I told him all about how I hated myself and how my program wasn’t working. He agreed that “my program” might have some flaws but said that the AA program had a sound track record of being helpful to guys like me. He told me how my fear of trusting people disappeared when I called him.

It’s 15 years later, and I’m still reaping the benefits of those seeds that were so hard to sow back then. I still have to pluck the occasional weeds in my personality when they raise their ugly heads, but I’m far better than I was.

Each day, with the guidance of my Higher Power, I realize what the “it” is that our AA founders taught us about. Knowing the “it” is one of the priceless, unmerited gifts the Promises say I will eventually receive. After many years of inside work, I’ve realized all those Promises. They have indeed come true. Now that I know what “it” is, I need to pass on the message to keep it

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

ROW, ROW, ROW, YOUR BOAT

Posted on March 25, 2025 by levasseurjohn

Concentrate on your boat

We all memorized this little song when we were kids. Well, most of us, anyway, are a little older. “Row, row, row, your boat, gently down the stream. Merrily, Merrily, Merrily, life is but a dream.” Do you remember it? This little song has four keywords, and there’s much to learn.

The first word is ROW. Rowing is a slow, methodical way of transportation, and it’s created by using your power. Not a motor-driven craft that will skim across the surface, missing all that may be right under its hull. When I speed through life, I miss watching the grandchildren grow or the wonders of nature. The final destination is death. Why are we in such a hurry? The word row is spoken three times. In the Bible, the number 3 appears 467 times. Its meaning is “completeness.” One row is just enough to break the water’s surface hold on the boat. Another word for water in the Bible is the truth. Two starts the movement into truth, and three brings the boat up to speed, catching the current, which will gently propel it. We can’t just sit idle and expect things are going to happen. It’s an effort that starts the process, and the universal energy of God’s will provides the power to move us along.

The second word is yours. Concentrate on rowing YOUR boat. Your boat is the only one that matters. It’s the only boat you have any control over. Focusing on someone else’s boat will leave you sitting idle with no gifts coming your way, as they’re only available in the stream of life. “God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.”

The third word is GENTLY. Psalms 18:35 – “Thy gentleness hath made me great.” Gently row your boat, and your boat will carry you to greatness. “Courage to change the things I can.” Go easy on yourself since rowing any faster will not get you where you need to be any quicker. When you row faster, you miss all life’s incredible lessons. Rowing gently, you’ll experience all you were meant to experience.

The fourth word is DOWN. You row down the stream, which is the easier, softer way because there’s much less resistance going down than up. Rowing upstream takes a lot of energy and will end up where you began once the energy runs out. This is “the wisdom to know the difference.”

It’s such a powerful little song. It’s hard to believe this was in my head most of my life; I had never seen all the wisdom within its simple words.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Nothing Lasts Forever

Posted on March 19, 2025 by levasseurjohn

Once again, the morning meeting led me to write about what we discussed. It started with “resentment” and moved into other subjects. We were in the book on the 4th Step. I was thinking about how the immense fear of making amends to my children caused me to wait for eight years before the heavy burden in my heart was lifted. I finally understood what the old timers meant by “this too shall pass.” I realized if I followed another slogan, “Just do it,” I could get to the other side.

Another was saying “Nothing lasts forever.” This morning, I was guided to think of how living in Florida which has a vigorous hurricane season lasting for six months. We go from “the calm before the storm” to the chaos of tracking a storm with the worries of what it may do to my life. I see on TV that storms directly strike, businesses and homes are destroyed, and some of the resident’s lives are turned upside down. I don’t know how many of these people who have lost everything can think, “This too shall pass” and “Nothing lasts forever.” When I find myself focusing on what the future may bring instead of on the idea that no matter what happens, I will be okay with the help of that power which is greater than I.

The same ideas can be used in so many areas of my life. Back to the topic of resentment. I have never had a resentment that has lasted forever. Well, I did carry one for a year against the guy who moved in with my girlfriend after we broke up. A year later, she was very sick, so I stopped by for a visit. The boyfriend’s van had been parked in front of her apartment for the previous year. I asked where her boyfriend was. She said how he had died a year before. I asked about the van and was told how the family of her friend had given her his van after his passing. It was then that I realized how I carried resentment for a year against a dead person. What a waste of emotional energy. I did get through and moved on to more bad decisions. I know future resentments are right around the corner. Right now, I am in the calm before the storm. When the storm comes, I can carry it around, making every moment miserable, or I can pray for that person and move through the storm back to the calm. The choice is mine, and only I can change my path.

By the time the meeting ended, I couldn’t wait to get home and write down these ideas. Here I am, with it all on paper. The last part of the lesson was for me to internalize these methods into my toolbox. Once I include God in the toolbox, it becomes a “Power Tool Box.” Do you have a power toolbox? Why not?

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

So, what is a Spiritual Experience?

Posted on March 16, 2025 by levasseurjohn

At this morning’s meeting, a new person interrupted a speaker saying, “What is a Spiritual Experience?” The speaker replied with the usual answer, which bewildered the new person. At the back of the Big Book, in the Appendix section, there is a two-page explanation in the words of 1939. With 38 years of attending meetings, I barely understood what the words meant. It was then that I found my hand up without my permission. I realized it was up to me to share what I knew about the subject. “For me, a spiritual Experience is an event that happens, and the outcome is beyond anything I could have predicted or planned. You see, there is a power greater than I am. This power wants nothing but good for me, but this power needs me to be humble and ask for help. Only then did I realize that the end could not have happened under my direction?”

“As an example, it happened around six years sober. After being in business for three years and not making enough money to keep the doors open, I opened a Self-Help bookstore in New Hampshire. I was depressed at having to close the doors and having lost a lot of money; I had no idea what to do. Then I humbled myself on my knees, asking the power I didn’t understand for help. The following day, the phone rang, and it was a friend from my hometown. He said he had recently purchased a large building and wanted to open a bookstore just like mine. I replied, “How about me selling you this place?” He was pleased after the deal was finished, and I didn’t have to open the front door. It was then that I realized another Spiritual Experience had happened. The outcome was way better than I could have ever imagined.”

“Today, I don’t look for miracles; I expect them. Being humble and asking that power for help is the answer—at least that is the answer for me. You chose which path you would like to follow.”

At that point in my answer, I have made my point and realized the point was more for me than the new person.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Clutter

Posted on March 9, 2025 by levasseurjohn

During the Miracles Group meeting, my friend Mario spoke how his $20,000 car was parked in the driveway while his garage was full of junk that he should have got rid of long ago. At that point, my focus shifted to what he said. Immediately, I pictured a recovery-related message. The garage is my mind. It can fill-up with useless thoughts. How will I pay the bills? Will my car break down, or where will I be stranded? Should I ask her to dinner? What if she says no? How am I going to handle that? Will that set off the craving?

When the mental junk clutters my thoughts there is no room for the good stuff. This I call, “Living in the problem.” It’s where my focus is. If I change my focus to, “Living in the solution,” the problems seem to fade away. I’m not sure where those thoughts go, but anytime I want them back they are there and ready for the asking.

One way to break the chain of bad thoughts is to focus on gratitude. I can’t, not think. There is always something going on in my mind. What I focus on is what grows. Thinking of life’s gifts is much more positive that thoughts of what bad things can come my way.

The bottom line, it’s a CHOICE. What I think about, I have control over. One other example is when I retire at night. It’s easy to get my mind going one hundred miles an hour on totally useless stuff. The way I shut it off is to imagine a light switch which turns off my mind. I picture putting my finger on the switch and turning it off. Then I focus on thanking God for a great day. Wouldn’t you know, I go right to sleep. It took me many nights of staying awake for hours before I saw the switch. We all have that ability.

Once I change my focus, the negative thoughts are replaced with positive ones. I know it takes effort with repetitive actions to feel better. Like any sport, the more I practice the better I get. Today my garage is, for the most part clean and ready for a new car to occupy it, if I could afford it of course, but that’s issue for another time.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment