Think the Thought Through!

Posted on December 28, 2025 by levasseurjohn

Somewhere in every addiction related program, the Four Ts can come into play. It is as simple as, “Think the _____ through,” has become part of most recovery program. Why is that so popular? One answer is that it works! Another one, it’s simple and easy to remember, and lastly, it can change the outcome of any decision before the disaster occurs. Let me say, I have learned this through experience. For 40 years, I have not touched a single drop of alcohol or taken a drug that wasn’t prescribed. I attribute my success in part to that simple slogan.

My entire life has not been a bowl of cherries? Like most of us, life has a strange way of getting our attention. As I mentioned in previous writings, I believe that we are on this earth to learn. Experiencing life is the purpose of my being in this body, for as many years as it takes. Every bad or good day has had a lesson embedded in it. I have no control over when an experience, with an attached lesson, is placed in my path. I do know that the faster I find out what that experience is here to show me, the quicker I move on to the next one. Thinking through my decisions to the end, on which path I choose to experience, can make all the difference. Most of these lessons are small, and I receive the answer quickly.

Here are some of the experiences I’ve used, or not used the saying, to navigate the minefields.

Example 1: Being sober for 3 years and attending meetings just about every day, I thought it was a good idea to start a relationship, without knowing who I really was. I asked this very attractive, young, and smart girl out on a date. I had an idea that she may have a preference toward the opposite sex, but that wasn’t going to stop me. I could change her. We saw each other every day at meetings and had many dinners together. After a week, the relationship turned physical, and I fell in love. At the end of the month, I purchased an engagement ring, and we were setting a date. She wanted it quickly, so we were married within the next month. Most of the AA we knew attended the wedding, with their own thoughts on which direction we were headed. Within 52 days, she tried to kill herself several times and ended up in a long-term psychiatric treatment center. That is where she discovered who she really was attracted to. On my last visit, she announced that she was in love with her therapist, who was a woman. Even though I suspected all along that this might happen, I refused to accept it until that moment. It was then that I wished I had “thought the relationship through.”

Example 2: More recently, I decided to spend the summer with my daughter in Missouri to escape the heat in Florida. The plan, as I saw it, was to leave in May. It was September, so there was lots of time to plan. Right away, I came up with one, brilliant plan. Without thinking it through, I borrowed $20,000 from the bank and purchased a 35-foot RV. A month later, I drove it to my daughter’s home for my niece’s wedding. After a ten-day visit, I returned. To my horror, the gas bill for the RV was $1,000 on the credit card, which I really could not afford. Now the RV sits until May, registered and insured. Thinking the RV decision through may have not put me in as much debt or leave me with a large vehicle in my yard. Maybe I could have come to a different outcome. There were many other avenues available, but my obsession blinded me to the possibilities. I have faith that this will all turn out for the best, and maybe the lesson in this one is, next time to think the decision through.

Example 3: Another RV-related experience comes to mind. Before leaving on my trip, the AC unit in the living area was not working. These units are not repairable for the most part. I purchased a new one on the credit card. I had all sorts of ideas for mounting the 80-pound unit on the RV’s roof. Each one of the ideas I thought the outcome through, and most of my best ideas, would involve me being injured in some way. It was then that I reached out to my son, who lives in New England and would be visiting my daughter at the same time as I. He said that he and a few of the larger boys would do it for me. When I was there with him, we realized that my son-in-law had a new tractor with a bucket loader in the front. We used that to raise the AC unit into place, and the job was complete, the AC was working, and no one was hurt, especially me. Thinking the project through made a huge difference on this one.

Example 4: I will make this the last and most recent experience. In this one, I did think it through and maybe avoided a disaster. I mentioned the big RV. Well, I needed to trim some trees so the branches wouldn’t rub on the roof and siding. I already have an electric chainsaw and a ladder. Oh, I didn’t mention that I am 81 years young and 40 pounds overweight. Can you see what might be coming? I looked at those branches for a week, thinking about how it might be done. I figured I would climb the extension ladder as high as I could, step into the tree, and climb ten feet up the trunk. That is when the idea of thinking the decision through came into play. Falling out of the tree wasn’t an outcome I was looking forward to having. Old bones break easily. That is when I stepped back and reevaluated the plan. It was then that the idea of an electric pole saw came to mind. I purchased one, on the credit card, of course, and will tackle the trimming from the ground in a week or so. The trimming will eventually get finished, and I will still be able to seek out another lesson.

New lessons are waiting for me. There are many things to learn in the short time I have left on this earth. I look forward to new experiences, because that is what life is all about. Today I’ve promised myself to “think the thought through,” and I know by doing that, the journey will be much easier, thank you, God.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

I can’t live my life through others, nor fix anyone but myself.

Posted on December 23, 2025 by levasseurjohn

If Melody Beattie has taught me anything in her book, “Codependence No More,” it is the title of this writing. In the early 90’s, I followed her teachings closely. During that time, recovery was known as “Healing the Inner Child.” Hundreds of books were number one on the Best Sellers List. We consumed every word we could find on the subject. I personally went so far as to open a Self-Help Recovery bookstore called “Journey to Serenity.” That seems so long ago, and I am telling the story of another person, but it was me. I am no longer that person emotionally. My neediness and obsessive desires to save the world have come under control as I realized how I could only save myself.

Today, I care for others, but I know better than to try to fix them. In the AA program, during the steps, I found step 9, which states, “Made direct amends to such people wherever possible.” What I didn’t realize when I attempted that step the first few times was that the idea about fixing my relationship with the other person or heal the memories of the destruction I had caused could not be done by me. It is about doing what I can to make things right, if possible, but not to get that person to like or even forgive me. Even if they forgive what I’ve done, the emotional damage within them can only be healed by them. I cannot change the past in another’s mind. That’s up to them.

The only tool I know that will help is Prayer. I can pray that the person I damaged can find peace within themselves. This was proven to me through my own childhood experience. With two alcoholic parents and one dying in a car crash when I was twelve, the emotional damage was far worse than I thought. I knew I was in trouble when, at ten years sober, I had a .22 revolver pointed at my head, and I was pulling the trigger. Pulling back on the slide, I listen to the click as the firing pin hit on an empty chamber. I said to myself, “I only have to put the clip in once more, and it will be over.” I really didn’t want to die, but I wanted the emotional pain to stop. It was then that I made a call for help. After six years of therapy, with many different counselors, the healing took place. As much as those who hurt me wanted me to be better, they could not fix me.

The secret is that I cannot fix anyone other than myself. The damage is inside their own world, as my damage was inside me. I can ask for their forgiveness, but that won’t help them. When they are ready, the teacher will appear, just as it did for me. I can only be an example of how, when I become willing to go to any length to make myself better, the healing will take place. There are real miracles out there, and I can testify that I became one. You can also be a miracle by doing the necessary work. Good luck on your Journey to Serenity if you so choose to jump on the Recovery Train as it leaves the station. If you miss that train, there is always another when you are ready.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

What hope means to me

Posted on December 16, 2025 by levasseurjohn

I’ve used the word hope many times in my life, and usually, there aren’t any changes in the situation, whatever it is. Today, I have a good idea why it hasn’t worked in the past. I would sit on my hands and hope things would change. I would hope someone would get off my case, but it didn’t happen. I would expect to lose weight, but would gain instead. I would hope to win the lottery, but I never do. With every hope, I would feel how God wasn’t listening. The answer was simple. I needed to accept someone for being who they are; eat more healthily, exercise, and buy a lottery ticket.

Today, “hope ” is an action verb. It means I tell God my expectations and then listen for what I’m to do to make them come true. Doing nothing gets nothing in return. I try not to project how the outcome will be, because I know that whatever it is, it will always be better than anything I could have expected.

My Higher Power always gives me what I need, not what I want. Give this a try yourself and see if you get the same results I’m seeing.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Ready, SHOOT, Aim

Posted on December 11, 2025 by levasseurjohn

The phrase “ready, shoot, aim” generally refers to taking action immediately without careful planning or thorough consideration of the consequences.

Have I ever spoken without thinking? Well, if I’m totally honest, the answer is, definitely YES. I’m embarrassed when I think of the times I did it? With 39 years sober, attending over 10000 meetings, and working the program, I believe I should be better than that. Reality is, I’m only human, and some of my old behaviors sneaks in from the back of my mind to the front, when I least expect it. It is said that the old me sleeps lightly.

When I have a bad thinking moment, and it’s only a moment instead of the entire day, I have the option, like it says in the step,“ and when we were wrong, promptly admitt it.” When I place this concept in motion, the side of the street which only I have any power over is cleaned up. Do I always choose the right path? Sometimes, maybe 50% of the time. The other fifty percent usually is fixed the next day. There are times when I don’t know the problem is me, and it takes days or weeks for the process to begin.

If I am on my game while thinking before speaking, I make it through the day without upsetting those I love, either knowing or not. When I slow down and observe, I am much better off.

I could at this time, give you some examples, but if you take a moment, you will have examples of your own. After all, change only happens when I recognize it in me and shine a light on it. We call that, “taking our inventory.” It’s not about taking someone else’s inventory but ours. Doctor Paul, in his Big Book story, Acceptance is The Answer, states, “when there is something wrong in my life, there is something wrong with me, and in my attitudes.” I reap the rewards when I look at who is driving my buss. Is it them or is it me? Change can only happen when it is me who is driving. Others will get in the driver’s seat if I let them. Don’t let them. Reconsider and aim before you shoot.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Where lessons come from?

Posted on December 7, 2025 by levasseurjohn

The Course in Miracles states, “Life is but a series of lessons. We do not get to choose the lesson, but we do get to choose how we react to it.”

What a beautiful statement, and so true. I always questioned, “Where do these lessons come from?” Many religious scholars have pondered this question, and many different answers have been given, none of which rings true with my way of thinking.

After pondering this, over and over, I came to a conclusion that works for me. If my thoughts are too far out there for your beliefs, that’s perfectly fine. I know most don’t look at the world the same way I do, but if you have an open mind, this might make sense, as it does to me.

Before beginning my journey, I was a spiritual being in a place I call heaven. My spirit, mind, or soul was not on this plane until after conception. While waiting for my new Life to begin, I planned my path and what I needed to learn. There are an unlimited number of questions that need answers before I can move to the next level. There are many levels of my soul’s development, and I can choose which experiences will be necessary this time around.

For myself in this lifetime, I elected to have a father who was distant from his oldest son, who died young, leaving me to deal with drunk mother. I went on to create my own chaos from alcoholism. The lesson was to rise above my past, forgive the hurts, and become a better, stronger individual. I could not rise above until I had spent dark times in the valley. After 30 years sober, I have accomplished that. I have reached the top of the mountain, or at least near it.

Now I wonder what lessons are left for me to learn. Here is where the second part of the expression comes into play. “We get to choose how we react to the lesson.” This lesson has been ongoing for several years, and with each experience, I become a stronger and better person. There will be lessons for me to learn until my last breath.

The final lesson will be knowing that the Christian teachings were right all along. There is a God who loves me, and Life doesn’t end just because this body is no longer usable. Each phase is correct, necessary, and chosen by me before it all begins.

In the middle of a particular lesson, when I’m uncomfortable, unhappy, or angry, I need to remind myself that this is only one of many lessons I need to learn, and the sooner it’s figured out, the sooner I will be moving on to the next one.

Be patient with yourself, as it is you who has chosen this path to learn on.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Whose Experience is it?

Posted on December 3, 2025 by levasseurjohn

Have you ever asked yourself, “Why are they doing this to me?” or “Why is this happening to me?” or even “Why is this terrible thing happening to so and so?” I think we all have at one time or another, without knowing the answer, or at least an answer that works for us.

The answer came to me one day from the still small voice that speaks from the secret place in my heart. It said, “Maybe this time, it’s not about you!” Through experience, I have found that in the long run, it’s not always about me. There are times when I am just a bit actor in someone else’s play. I’m not the director either; I’m just performing my small role, so they have a chance to learn their own valuable lesson.

I experienced this many times while dealing with the emotional pains my children went through while growing up. It was not easy to take a back seat and watch each scene unfold without being in control. Once out of the dark and into the light, my children could see the lesson they alone could have learned.

One example of this lesson happened when my 16-year-old daughter was asked to leave her mother’s house. We were divorced, and I couldn’t take her in as I was in the middle of my own living problems. She moved in with six other teens in a second-floor two-bedroom apartment. Drinking and pot smoking were happening regularly. She was working in a Favor Shoe store and survived an armed robbery. I was terrified of the perceived danger she put herself in, and the anguish was driving me crazy.

While speaking to a friend about my problem of being the lead actor, the friend asked me some simple questions. “Do you believe in God?” The answer came quickly, “Of course I do!” She asked, “Do you believe God has a plan for your life?” Again, the same answer. Her voice became louder, “Then why the F… can’t you believe God has a plan for her life and you are only a small part of her plan, NOT THE STAR!” At first, I was shocked she would speak to me in such a rude tone. After taking a deep breath, I realized she was right. God did have a plan for my daughter, and she was in the process of learning her own lessons. By the way, after I stepped back from trying to run her life, she realized for herself where things were headed and moved out of the situation and in with me after my living issues were solved. Be careful what you ask for. Today, she is married to a very successful provider, and he’s a loving father to her three children.

In my daughter’s play, there was a lesson for me to learn as well: nothing happens in God’s world by mistake; everything has a purpose. My job is to recognize my part in the play. Sometimes I am the windshield, and other times, I’m the bug.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Think Outside the Box

Posted on November 25, 2025 by levasseurjohn

Think Outside the Box is the title of one of my addiction related books in publication. It is also a very profound statement with so many different meanings. There is probably, as many different thoughts as there are people reading this article. I can only speak to my interpretation in this moment, as what I see may change in the next. It is just the way most of us operate in an uncertain world with many avenues available for our journey.

Today, and right now, I am thinking about how nice it is to be able to listen to that “Still Small Voice.” When my mind is racing, in any given moment, the small voice cannot be heard. It is once I recognize the racing mind that I have a chance of stepping out of that role and into a more spiritual place where the Still, Small Voice can be heard. At this point, you may be asking, “So, how do I shut the racing mind off?” One method is to step back and recognizing it. Step back or out, whichever you prefer, and shift your focus to God or to something spiritual in this moment.

After finishing that last paragraph, with a spiritual connection as I write, the cat jumped on the back of my chair and broke my concentration. Immediately, I turned on the TV to the early morning world news. Guess where the racing mind was. Yep, it was waiting and started right up, on all the world issues which I have absolutely no control over. Once again, I stepped out of the now and turned off the TV. To my surprise, the Still Small Voice was waiting to continue this train of thought. I am only mentioning this example to show how easy it is to get off track.

Now that the mind is quiet, my concentration is returning; ideas are flowing once again. In the past, my calm voice and the EGO voice were the same, speaking through the ME Voice. I never thought there were three distinct voices for me to listen to. Actually, there are only two, while the third one is the ME Voice. The ME Voice is the one that selects which voice to listen to. The EGO is always trying to take command while the Still Small Voice is saying, “What is my heart saying?” That is my Spiritual Voice. That is the voice that I should always be listening to, but the EGO is like an angry child, always wanting attention. In the present moment, I detach from my EGO and focus on what God has to say. He speaks through the Spirit. It is all about where my focus is in this present moment.

I had a perfect example of that this past week. I was waiting at the stop sign at the end of my road, about to enter the main street. A white truck was coming, so I waited with my foot on the brake. About a hundred feet down the road, the truck turned on its directional signal to turn into my street. The car behind him also turned on its directional signal. I wanted to be sure he was turning, so I waited. As he started to turn into my street, I took my foot off the brake, and a thought, or a voice came, “STOP!” I did not put my foot on the accelerator pedal but placed it back on the brake. At the last second, the truck swerved and continued straight. I sat still, realizing that because I listened to that Small Voice, an accident was avoided. The truck turned onto the next street. I remained calm, as I was so grateful that I was paying attention to my instincts, which, by the way, are driven by the small voice. In the past, I would have chased the truck down and told them what was on my mind; instead, I reacted totally different.

The secret to this new way of thinking is to step out of my old way of thinking and become an observer of where the ME Voice actually is. Is it EGO or Spirit driven? Who is in the driver’s seat, and who do I want in that seat?

This idea may become a new way of thinking, but take a moment to observe, right now, where your head is really at. You have the controls, if YOU choose. Choose your direction while always seeking a solution to any issues you may be facing, with a positive outcome. We indeed become what we are seeking. Only look for positive thoughts, with only positive outcomes. The decision you make next may determine how you live the rest of your life. There is a fork in the road. Which path are you going to choose?

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Knowing when to hold’em

Posted on November 17, 2025 by levasseurjohn

Life can be played like a poker game. Most of us have played Texas Hold’em at some point in our lives, or not. You will never find a successful player pushing All- In on every hand, nor would a player fold every hand before seeing the next cards or the Flop as it’s called. Here is a little lesson for those who have never played this game. You are given two cards face down. Each player bids on his two cards until all bets have been Called. Then the Flop which is three cards from the deck turned face-up. Each player uses those three with their two cards to make a hand. Two more cards are added at the end while bidding stops on each card. Those cards are named “The Turn” and “The River.” Don’t ask me why someone picked those names, they just did.

How does this compare with playing the game of life? You are dealt a set of cards for this experience or lesson. Each experience is different therefore the cards are different. Each person on earth has their own cards to start with. I don’t give up every time, even if my cards are not perfect to start with. There are times when giving in would be the correct action and other times I fight, even with a bad hand. Even if the cards dealt are not high numbers or matching, the luck of the draw can still be on my side. Each lesson has to be looked at and appraised on its own merit before a decision is made.

Of course, if I have excellent prospects, I could play on to see what the next phase will bring. Unfortunately, life isn’t always predictable. I could start with a good set of cards, like a pair of aces and draw completely dead the rest of the hand.

The whole purpose of this comparison is to show how life isn’t always fair, but for the most part, it’s predictable to some degree. I have won more hands with a pair of aces than I have lost.

I experienced this when I opened a bookstore in Western New Hampshire.  In the beginning, there was plenty of money in the bank from a severance package I received after leaving a company I had been with for 22 years. Within three years, while in the middle of the lesson, the business closed. Right, when I thought this was my worst decision ever, the last two cards I received were Aces, and I won the game. My big win wasn’t through financial gains. This time it was a spiritual lesson which has far more value than money.

Each of life’s situations has to be weighed while it’s unfolding and how much I commit will depend on the cards I draw.

Personal relationships have a tendency to unfold this way. The secret is to “Know when to hold’em, know when to fold’em, know when to walk away and know when to run.”

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Expectations, good or bad, we all have them

Posted on November 2, 2025 by levasseurjohn

Expectations—they may be good or not so good—but we all have them. They arrive as thoughts without an invitation. What’s important is how I react when an expectation invades my present moment. The method I use for processing expectations has changed over the years.

In the early days, without the gift of knowledge, I would read the expectation over and over in my mind until the story became deeply rooted in consciousness. Like any other thought, the more I gave it focus, the larger and more entrenched it became. An example might be, “When I go on vacation in July, I expect every day to be sunny because the trip is costing so much.” Then every day for the next month, I carry this thought into the now and make it stronger. The processing method back then was: what I think about will come true, maybe to the point of my being able to change the weather. Then the vacation came, and it rained every day. It was the worst vacation I ever had, and I was miserable every minute of every day.

On the flip side of the example, if I constantly think about how I have no control over what the vacation week will turn out to be, there is a better chance I will be able to accept things and roll with the punches.

Not having any expectation is almost humanly impossible. Knowing what is true and what’s a story keeps me in reality. I process expectations quickly by remembering that I have no control over what may come, waiting to see what the future brings, and dealing with it then.

Today, I know any expectation is a premature resentment that I chose not to allow myself to have. After saying a prayer to stay in the now, I give my thoughts to God.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Living in the story

Posted on October 18, 2025 by levasseurjohn

This story doesn’t begin with “Once Upon A Time.” It sometimes reads as nonfiction or total fiction. Even when it’s perceived as true, it’s not always what it could be. This story is not in at changes by the second. The story’s location is wherever my mind is in this present moment, and it’s told as often as I care to hear it.

Where does the story come from? It’s created by me, for me, changed by me, and usually starts on a negative note. Outside issues are the cause as they unfold before my eyes. Other people have no idea what the plot is, only me.

Who’s inside my head telling the story? It’s my Ego. One definition of Ego is, “A person’s sense of self-esteem or self-importance.”

Do I have any control over how the story unfolds? The answer is a resounding yes! When the title of the story is flashed in my mind, I can move outside the storyteller or Ego, which is where the real me resides. I am the one who listens to the story as my Ego tells it. I have the choice of believing the story or questioning it. I have the option of shutting it off right there and then. I personally have to turn to prayer to stop it from rambling on and on. I know it’s my Ego who’s telling the story, and I know that because it will always be about something bad. According to Elkhart Tolle, my Ego’s goal is to see me unhappy, and the stories are its only way of doing business. The Ego’s stories are like putting gas in your car. The gas sits there until the car is placed into motion. My authentic self is what places my life in gear. As I mentioned earlier, I can shift the Ego into action by believing the story, or I can stay in reality by choosing to be positive. As a result, life will be much more enjoyable.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment