Where lessons come from?

Posted on December 7, 2025 by levasseurjohn

The Course in Miracles states, “Life is but a series of lessons. We do not get to choose the lesson, but we do get to choose how we react to it.”

What a beautiful statement, and so true. I always questioned, “Where do these lessons come from?” Many religious scholars have pondered this question, and many different answers have been given, none of which rings true with my way of thinking.

After pondering this, over and over, I came to a conclusion that works for me. If my thoughts are too far out there for your beliefs, that’s perfectly fine. I know most don’t look at the world the same way I do, but if you have an open mind, this might make sense, as it does to me.

Before beginning my journey, I was a spiritual being in a place I call heaven. My spirit, mind, or soul was not on this plane until after conception. While waiting for my new Life to begin, I planned my path and what I needed to learn. There are an unlimited number of questions that need answers before I can move to the next level. There are many levels of my soul’s development, and I can choose which experiences will be necessary this time around.

For myself in this lifetime, I elected to have a father who was distant from his oldest son, who died young, leaving me to deal with drunk mother. I went on to create my own chaos from alcoholism. The lesson was to rise above my past, forgive the hurts, and become a better, stronger individual. I could not rise above until I had spent dark times in the valley. After 30 years sober, I have accomplished that. I have reached the top of the mountain, or at least near it.

Now I wonder what lessons are left for me to learn. Here is where the second part of the expression comes into play. “We get to choose how we react to the lesson.” This lesson has been ongoing for several years, and with each experience, I become a stronger and better person. There will be lessons for me to learn until my last breath.

The final lesson will be knowing that the Christian teachings were right all along. There is a God who loves me, and Life doesn’t end just because this body is no longer usable. Each phase is correct, necessary, and chosen by me before it all begins.

In the middle of a particular lesson, when I’m uncomfortable, unhappy, or angry, I need to remind myself that this is only one of many lessons I need to learn, and the sooner it’s figured out, the sooner I will be moving on to the next one.

Be patient with yourself, as it is you who has chosen this path to learn on.

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Whose Experience is it?

Posted on December 3, 2025 by levasseurjohn

Have you ever asked yourself, “Why are they doing this to me?” or “Why is this happening to me?” or even “Why is this terrible thing happening to so and so?” I think we all have at one time or another, without knowing the answer, or at least an answer that works for us.

The answer came to me one day from the still small voice that speaks from the secret place in my heart. It said, “Maybe this time, it’s not about you!” Through experience, I have found that in the long run, it’s not always about me. There are times when I am just a bit actor in someone else’s play. I’m not the director either; I’m just performing my small role, so they have a chance to learn their own valuable lesson.

I experienced this many times while dealing with the emotional pains my children went through while growing up. It was not easy to take a back seat and watch each scene unfold without being in control. Once out of the dark and into the light, my children could see the lesson they alone could have learned.

One example of this lesson happened when my 16-year-old daughter was asked to leave her mother’s house. We were divorced, and I couldn’t take her in as I was in the middle of my own living problems. She moved in with six other teens in a second-floor two-bedroom apartment. Drinking and pot smoking were happening regularly. She was working in a Favor Shoe store and survived an armed robbery. I was terrified of the perceived danger she put herself in, and the anguish was driving me crazy.

While speaking to a friend about my problem of being the lead actor, the friend asked me some simple questions. “Do you believe in God?” The answer came quickly, “Of course I do!” She asked, “Do you believe God has a plan for your life?” Again, the same answer. Her voice became louder, “Then why the F… can’t you believe God has a plan for her life and you are only a small part of her plan, NOT THE STAR!” At first, I was shocked she would speak to me in such a rude tone. After taking a deep breath, I realized she was right. God did have a plan for my daughter, and she was in the process of learning her own lessons. By the way, after I stepped back from trying to run her life, she realized for herself where things were headed and moved out of the situation and in with me after my living issues were solved. Be careful what you ask for. Today, she is married to a very successful provider, and he’s a loving father to her three children.

In my daughter’s play, there was a lesson for me to learn as well: nothing happens in God’s world by mistake; everything has a purpose. My job is to recognize my part in the play. Sometimes I am the windshield, and other times, I’m the bug.

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Think Outside the Box

Posted on November 25, 2025 by levasseurjohn

Think Outside the Box is the title of one of my addiction related books in publication. It is also a very profound statement with so many different meanings. There is probably, as many different thoughts as there are people reading this article. I can only speak to my interpretation in this moment, as what I see may change in the next. It is just the way most of us operate in an uncertain world with many avenues available for our journey.

Today, and right now, I am thinking about how nice it is to be able to listen to that “Still Small Voice.” When my mind is racing, in any given moment, the small voice cannot be heard. It is once I recognize the racing mind that I have a chance of stepping out of that role and into a more spiritual place where the Still, Small Voice can be heard. At this point, you may be asking, “So, how do I shut the racing mind off?” One method is to step back and recognizing it. Step back or out, whichever you prefer, and shift your focus to God or to something spiritual in this moment.

After finishing that last paragraph, with a spiritual connection as I write, the cat jumped on the back of my chair and broke my concentration. Immediately, I turned on the TV to the early morning world news. Guess where the racing mind was. Yep, it was waiting and started right up, on all the world issues which I have absolutely no control over. Once again, I stepped out of the now and turned off the TV. To my surprise, the Still Small Voice was waiting to continue this train of thought. I am only mentioning this example to show how easy it is to get off track.

Now that the mind is quiet, my concentration is returning; ideas are flowing once again. In the past, my calm voice and the EGO voice were the same, speaking through the ME Voice. I never thought there were three distinct voices for me to listen to. Actually, there are only two, while the third one is the ME Voice. The ME Voice is the one that selects which voice to listen to. The EGO is always trying to take command while the Still Small Voice is saying, “What is my heart saying?” That is my Spiritual Voice. That is the voice that I should always be listening to, but the EGO is like an angry child, always wanting attention. In the present moment, I detach from my EGO and focus on what God has to say. He speaks through the Spirit. It is all about where my focus is in this present moment.

I had a perfect example of that this past week. I was waiting at the stop sign at the end of my road, about to enter the main street. A white truck was coming, so I waited with my foot on the brake. About a hundred feet down the road, the truck turned on its directional signal to turn into my street. The car behind him also turned on its directional signal. I wanted to be sure he was turning, so I waited. As he started to turn into my street, I took my foot off the brake, and a thought, or a voice came, “STOP!” I did not put my foot on the accelerator pedal but placed it back on the brake. At the last second, the truck swerved and continued straight. I sat still, realizing that because I listened to that Small Voice, an accident was avoided. The truck turned onto the next street. I remained calm, as I was so grateful that I was paying attention to my instincts, which, by the way, are driven by the small voice. In the past, I would have chased the truck down and told them what was on my mind; instead, I reacted totally different.

The secret to this new way of thinking is to step out of my old way of thinking and become an observer of where the ME Voice actually is. Is it EGO or Spirit driven? Who is in the driver’s seat, and who do I want in that seat?

This idea may become a new way of thinking, but take a moment to observe, right now, where your head is really at. You have the controls, if YOU choose. Choose your direction while always seeking a solution to any issues you may be facing, with a positive outcome. We indeed become what we are seeking. Only look for positive thoughts, with only positive outcomes. The decision you make next may determine how you live the rest of your life. There is a fork in the road. Which path are you going to choose?

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Knowing when to hold’em

Posted on November 17, 2025 by levasseurjohn

Life can be played like a poker game. Most of us have played Texas Hold’em at some point in our lives, or not. You will never find a successful player pushing All- In on every hand, nor would a player fold every hand before seeing the next cards or the Flop as it’s called. Here is a little lesson for those who have never played this game. You are given two cards face down. Each player bids on his two cards until all bets have been Called. Then the Flop which is three cards from the deck turned face-up. Each player uses those three with their two cards to make a hand. Two more cards are added at the end while bidding stops on each card. Those cards are named “The Turn” and “The River.” Don’t ask me why someone picked those names, they just did.

How does this compare with playing the game of life? You are dealt a set of cards for this experience or lesson. Each experience is different therefore the cards are different. Each person on earth has their own cards to start with. I don’t give up every time, even if my cards are not perfect to start with. There are times when giving in would be the correct action and other times I fight, even with a bad hand. Even if the cards dealt are not high numbers or matching, the luck of the draw can still be on my side. Each lesson has to be looked at and appraised on its own merit before a decision is made.

Of course, if I have excellent prospects, I could play on to see what the next phase will bring. Unfortunately, life isn’t always predictable. I could start with a good set of cards, like a pair of aces and draw completely dead the rest of the hand.

The whole purpose of this comparison is to show how life isn’t always fair, but for the most part, it’s predictable to some degree. I have won more hands with a pair of aces than I have lost.

I experienced this when I opened a bookstore in Western New Hampshire.  In the beginning, there was plenty of money in the bank from a severance package I received after leaving a company I had been with for 22 years. Within three years, while in the middle of the lesson, the business closed. Right, when I thought this was my worst decision ever, the last two cards I received were Aces, and I won the game. My big win wasn’t through financial gains. This time it was a spiritual lesson which has far more value than money.

Each of life’s situations has to be weighed while it’s unfolding and how much I commit will depend on the cards I draw.

Personal relationships have a tendency to unfold this way. The secret is to “Know when to hold’em, know when to fold’em, know when to walk away and know when to run.”

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Expectations, good or bad, we all have them

Posted on November 2, 2025 by levasseurjohn

Expectations—they may be good or not so good—but we all have them. They arrive as thoughts without an invitation. What’s important is how I react when an expectation invades my present moment. The method I use for processing expectations has changed over the years.

In the early days, without the gift of knowledge, I would read the expectation over and over in my mind until the story became deeply rooted in consciousness. Like any other thought, the more I gave it focus, the larger and more entrenched it became. An example might be, “When I go on vacation in July, I expect every day to be sunny because the trip is costing so much.” Then every day for the next month, I carry this thought into the now and make it stronger. The processing method back then was: what I think about will come true, maybe to the point of my being able to change the weather. Then the vacation came, and it rained every day. It was the worst vacation I ever had, and I was miserable every minute of every day.

On the flip side of the example, if I constantly think about how I have no control over what the vacation week will turn out to be, there is a better chance I will be able to accept things and roll with the punches.

Not having any expectation is almost humanly impossible. Knowing what is true and what’s a story keeps me in reality. I process expectations quickly by remembering that I have no control over what may come, waiting to see what the future brings, and dealing with it then.

Today, I know any expectation is a premature resentment that I chose not to allow myself to have. After saying a prayer to stay in the now, I give my thoughts to God.

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Living in the story

Posted on October 18, 2025 by levasseurjohn

This story doesn’t begin with “Once Upon A Time.” It sometimes reads as nonfiction or total fiction. Even when it’s perceived as true, it’s not always what it could be. This story is not in at changes by the second. The story’s location is wherever my mind is in this present moment, and it’s told as often as I care to hear it.

Where does the story come from? It’s created by me, for me, changed by me, and usually starts on a negative note. Outside issues are the cause as they unfold before my eyes. Other people have no idea what the plot is, only me.

Who’s inside my head telling the story? It’s my Ego. One definition of Ego is, “A person’s sense of self-esteem or self-importance.”

Do I have any control over how the story unfolds? The answer is a resounding yes! When the title of the story is flashed in my mind, I can move outside the storyteller or Ego, which is where the real me resides. I am the one who listens to the story as my Ego tells it. I have the choice of believing the story or questioning it. I have the option of shutting it off right there and then. I personally have to turn to prayer to stop it from rambling on and on. I know it’s my Ego who’s telling the story, and I know that because it will always be about something bad. According to Elkhart Tolle, my Ego’s goal is to see me unhappy, and the stories are its only way of doing business. The Ego’s stories are like putting gas in your car. The gas sits there until the car is placed into motion. My authentic self is what places my life in gear. As I mentioned earlier, I can shift the Ego into action by believing the story, or I can stay in reality by choosing to be positive. As a result, life will be much more enjoyable.

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How much is enough?

Posted on September 24, 2025 by levasseurjohn

When I think back to those dark days, I can vividly remember thinking, “How much beer would it take to satisfy me?” The first answer was usually, “A full Budweiser trailer truck load.” Then the thought would come, “What happens when that runs out?” Upping the ante, I would buy a lottery ticket, and when I won, I would buy my own brewery. Now that should be enough, don’t you think? “What if a foreign government took over the factory?” “I would put some of the money in a safety deposit box, which should ensure the future.” “What is someone robs the bank and gets into my safety deposit box?” “I’ll hide some money in a can and bury it.” “What if,” and the beat goes on.

Recently I listened to an interview of one of the richest men on earth. He was asked the question, “Just how much money is enough?” His reply was, “Just a little bit more.” Now, this statement I could identify with. Relationships were the same. When I was involved, I always fantasized about some other woman who looked better, and when I was available, they were nowhere to be found.

When I first entered recovery, I needed something to occupy my time, so I purchased a VCR and rented a movie. Next, I bought a second VCR so I could tape the film. I then joined a video store and started taping. Some nights it was three and others it was 5. I would set my alarm clock to wake up and change the tapes every few hours. Within three months I had two thousand movies on tape of which most I hadn’t watched. I started lending them to friends and became my own Pirated Movie Store. There was a new computer for the lists of titles, and of course, all of my movies were free. I wanted people to like me, and this was one of the ways I thought would work. I never realized it wasn’t about them, but me liking myself that counted.

A lady friend from the meetings took me aside and explained how I was just “Switching seats on the Titanic.” I was still stuck in addiction, just not alcohol and it needed to stop. I donated my collection to the local sober club and never rented another movie. Today there are online video sites like Netflix to catch my attention.

Once I recognized the problem, which is I have an addictive personality, just being away from the drink wasn’t the full solution. This is where the phrase, “Thoroughly followed our path,” comes into play. I had to follow the suggestions in the Big Book.

After several years of recognizing the problem, which is me, and making changes with Gods help, the addictive personality is almost all gone. I say it because it has never left totally. I can still obsess over a new car or new relationship, but today I am aware how I’m going down that road. When I talk with a close friend, keeping no secrets, things come into perspective, and the obsession can be curbed, somewhat. I guess the other slogan, “Progress not perfection,” applies to me, even after 30 years sober.

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Do I really need a sponsor?

Posted on September 9, 2025 by levasseurjohn

Grapevine Quote of the day for May 7, 2017.

“Everyone’s recipe for serenity is different. It’s like vegetable soup — nobody makes it quite the same.

“Chestertown, N.Y., January 2006, “Circles of Sobriety,” AA Grapevine.

This topic is one of those subjects where, if you write what’s popular, the old-timers will love you. If you don’t, you can guess how popular you will become, and it won’t be good. However, this is my story and my personal opinion, which we all have a right to say.

The favorite thing to say would be, “I have a sponsor, who has a sponsor, who had a sponsor, who had a sponsor,” but if I’m sincere, which is what I try to be, it isn’t my story. Right or wrong, it’s the way I did it.

Here is a brief history of why I chose not to have a sponsor, or at least the way it’s discussed in AA meetings. It started with growing up in an alcoholic home. Promises were made and broken daily. My father left us kids to deal with a drunken mother when he died drunk in a car crash. I learned early in life how people can’t be trusted. Then, after 25 years of my own alcoholism, I entered my first meeting. It was then that I was told I needed someone to run my life, as I was incapable of making sound decisions myself. I was an engineer in a responsible position with a company I’d worked for for twenty years. I need someone to run my life? I don’t think so!

I attended meetings daily for my first ten years. Since then, the number of meetings has been reduced slightly.

My first attempt at asking a fellow AA to be my sponsor wasn’t very successful. After a year of contemplating and making a careful choice, the guy I picked seemed to be perfect. I finally asked him, and he said yes. Two days later, he called, wanting my help with a twelve-step call. We sat at a kitchen table and watched our prospect drink Vodka while we made arrangements for him to enter a rehab. When the guy changed his mind, we left. I went to a meeting, and my new sponsor went to the liquor store. He stayed drunk for the next three years, and that proved my point: how can I trust anyone?

During those early years, I did have friends. I talked with people about my emotional problems, which were many. I entered therapy with a counselor who had experience in alcoholism and used her as a sort of sponsor. I guess I was working the program, just not in a conventional way, but it worked for me. I somehow thought that if I was paying the person to help me, they could be trusted.

After staying sober for ten years, I finally arrived at step nine and made the necessary amends to feel better about myself. Many hours looking into the mirror and forgiving the person looking back landed me where I am today, which is, “I love who I have become.”

Right now, at thirty-one years sober, I can honestly say I don’t have a “sponsor” as the program defines it. I do have close “friends” who I talk with daily, and have at least one person who knows all of my secrets.

My program is THE RECOMMENDED approach. I agree wholeheartedly that having a sponsor is the easiest way to recovery and ridding ourselves from a hopeless state of mind. I didn’t choose the “easier, softer way.”

I would say, “do as I say, not do as I do,” but if you have trust issues to the extent I had, sobriety can still be achieved if you are willing and have a connection with a power greater than yourself.

Come to find out, I am not unique in not having a traditional sponsor. I have asked around and found, at least among those I asked, that half of them didn’t have a sponsor or had one in name only. In reading Chuck C’s book “A New Pair of Glasses,” he had never had a sponsor. Like I said, this is not the easiest, softer way. The point is, don’t let any of AA’s suggestions or so-called things you must do if you are to stay sober keep you away from the program.

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Suffering is caused by everything.

Posted on September 1, 2025 by levasseurjohn

When I first read this phrase, some five years ago, I was skeptical that the writer had no experience in real life.

I was curious and had to read on, through my closed mind. Gradually the room between my ears became more enlightened. I had to look into the future to understand what was meant by everything.

The first example which comes to mind is my little dog Cricket. She was the love of my life, and I never thought she would ever cause me to suffer. We had many good years together. The day came, and I knew it would, when her health failed quickly and she had come to the end of the line. I found it necessary to end her life which was the most painful experience I’ve ever felt. My suffering lasted over a year until stray cats started hanging around my house, and of course I fed all of them. That helped with the healing of not having Cricket around.

Another example was when I lost, what I thought was my lifelong employment. I was with that company for 22 years. Again the suffering came, but this time it was only until I obtained another job. The new job was even better.

What about relationships? I hate going there. I’ve had a dozen close relationships and 3 marriages. The second one only lasted 52 days. Suffering came quickly with that one.

As it turns out, there isn’t anything on this world that doesn’t die, break or ware out. If I become attached to any object, when the time comes, I will suffer. That sounds depressing, but it’s one of the laws of the Universe that I can’t avoid.

How do I avoid being hurt? The truth is, I can’t. What I can do is, when it happens, step back and observe my behavior. First I must recognize, what is causing this pain. I feel the pain and then look at ways to address it. Once I’m aware where the problem is, I can figure out a way to deal with the suffering. In the case of my best friend, Cricket, I called my closest friends, and talk about what I was going through. Talking made it real. I learned about the grieving process and watched my emotions travel through the 5 stages of grief.

The first is denial. “I can’t believe I am feeling so bad about the loss of a dog.” This stage lasted about a week. And then I was stage two, angry at God for taking away my best friend. Stage three was bargaining with God to rewind the clock so I could have her back. After a month I became very sad or depressed, stage four. That lasted about a month. A few months passed, and I finally reached acceptance. I accepted the fact that Cricket was gone, but we had 16 great years together.

While going through this process, I observed my behavior and was aware where my emotions were at any given time.

First I recognized the suffering and what was causing it.  It’s always attachment to some person, place or thing. Then I moved forward with awareness knowing there are no shortcuts and eventually come to acceptance.

Today with this knowledge, the time spent suffering is much shorter and I feel more control of what I can do to ease the pain.

Remember, there are no shortcuts to finding acceptance. We have to pay the price, but being aware of what stage we are in helps understand and quickens the healing process. Keeping a journal can help. Now that I have this knowledge, my suffering last a month instead of a year. I hope what I have learned dealing with my suffering can help you deal with yours when it comes, and believe me it will.

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Anniversaries, celebrate or not?

Posted on August 28, 2025 by levasseurjohn

There are as many types of anniversaries as there are anniversaries themselves. There’s the date of my first marriage or any of the other marriages which followed. What about the day I started with the company I was with for 22 years? Some recognize the day in which a person died. They call it an anniversary, but I don’t think there’s any big celebration.

For myself, there is my Sober Anniversary. This one I cherish most of all. My belly button birthday is significant, but it only shows when my life process began. My sober date is most important ahead of all the others as it is when I started to live. Before August 24, 1986, I only existed. Before sobriety, I watched the clock tick my life away while waiting to find out who I really am. That August date was the start of a new journey which has turned out to be better than my wildest dreams.

My sober date can also be shared with those who are starting on the same path. Hope may be drawn from my story which is similar in many ways to every member but different and unique to me.

When it’s my turn to celebrate I will be yelling from the rooftops again this year because this date is so precious to me.

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