I have always strived to be Happy, Joyous, and Free. Recently, the Happy has been put on the shelf, replaced by a major decision and, subsequently, financial problems. I hadn’t noticed it at first, but I was putting people, places, and things first, and guess where happiness went, out the window.

This morning, the Daily Reflections topic was happiness in sobriety. I realized how I wasn’t at all happy. You can believe this or not, but when I talk to my Higher Power, or The Universe, I get answers. I mean real answers if I take the time to listen. It is so true now, the Bible talks about it, “The still small voice.” It’s not the EGO that definitely yells to get my attention. Most of what the EGO is BS and will take me deeper into despair. On this day, as the meeting started, I was quiet and listening. The voice said, “You are creating the bars around you.” Now, that got my attention. I asked, “How am I doing that?” What came next, I have known for years, but wasn’t putting the idea together as it pertains to me. “Your bars are your expectations.” Bingo… That is what was making me miserable. I was projecting how things were going to go, and when they weren’t, I wasn’t happy. Everything was involved with my going to Missouri to stay with my daughter for the summer. At the end of the last supper, I purchased an RV with money I didn’t have. The RV was full of food, art supplies, gas, and propane. The day before leaving, another expectation was shattered.

All of a sudden, a large lump rose on the back of my favorite cat. They were staying at the house with a neighbor looking after them. I am not a doctor, so what the lump was had to be resolved. I made the call, and the cat was seen. By then, the lump drained. The Vet bill dropped from $800 to half that because she didn’t need an operation. That got me thinking about whether I was making the right decision.

After listing the pros and cons of going away, I concluded that the decision was up to me. Even if I told all my friends I was going, this decision was still mine. Well, you guessed it, I changed my mind. Even if I had the RV and everything ready, I could stay home if that is what I wanted. I realized how much I love where I am now. The decision wasn’t a mistake, as I have learned so much about myself. The number one lesson is that I am responsible for my happiness and only I can give it to myself. The Course in Miracles taught me that, “Life is a series of lessons. I don’t get to choose the lesson, but I do get to decide how I react to it.” This is just another lesson.

Not a week later, everyone is happy that I am staying. I can now start unwinding the financial debt incurred by the lesson. Everything is possible as long as I STAY IN THE SOLUTION. Working to fill in the hole feels good once again, and when I look around, the bars are gone. I wonder why I didn’t see this months ago; I wasn’t looking or asking that still, small voice. I am sure the lessons would be different, but the outcome would be the same. I am Happy, Joyous, and Free, once again.