Road To Recoveries

During the Miracles Group meeting, my friend Mario spoke how his $20,000 car was parked in the driveway while his garage was full of junk that he should have got rid of long ago. At that point, my focus shifted to what he said. Immediately, I pictured a recovery-related message. The garage is my mind. It can fill-up with useless thoughts. How will I pay the bills? Will my car break down, or where will I be stranded? Should I ask her to dinner? What if she says no? How am I going to handle that? Will that set off the craving?

When the mental junk clutters my thoughts there is no room for the good stuff. This I call, “Living in the problem.” It’s where my focus is. If I change my focus to, “Living in the solution,” the problems seem to fade away. I’m not sure where those thoughts go, but anytime I want them back they are there and ready for the asking.

One way to break the chain of bad thoughts is to focus on gratitude. I can’t, not think. There is always something going on in my mind. What I focus on is what grows. Thinking of life’s gifts is much more positive that thoughts of what bad things can come my way.

The bottom line, it’s a CHOICE. What I think about, I have control over. One other example is when I retire at night. It’s easy to get my mind going one hundred miles an hour on totally useless stuff. The way I shut it off is to imagine a light switch which turns off my mind. I picture putting my finger on the switch and turning it off. Then I focus on thanking God for a great day. Wouldn’t you know, I go right to sleep. It took me many nights of staying awake for hours before I saw the switch. We all have that ability.

Once I change my focus, the negative thoughts are replaced with positive ones. I know it takes effort with repetitive actions to feel better. Like any sport, the more I practice the better I get. Today my garage is, for the most part clean and ready for a new car to occupy it, if I could afford it of course, but that’s issue for another time.

The other night, while watching an Irish series on television, the next episode had a catchy name. The Fact of Life came across the screen, and my mind immediately went into writing mode. At that point, I couldn’t see the connection between this storyline and what was happening inside my head. I know what happens in John’s World; this is all I can share. Later, once I’ve seen the entire episode, I will better understand what they meant by those words. Here is what I was thinking.

There is no Facts in Life. Life is my interpretation of all experiences and thoughts of each instance. After being in an addiction recovery program for almost four decades, I’ve concluded that the facts last week are no longer so. My understanding of any given circumstance can change by the hour. Other times, it takes years to see that what I once thought was so has evolved into something new. Each new experience puts a different twist on all of my memories. What I once hated, I can love today. You see, life is not based on facts. It’s my interpretation of the facts.

A classic example was presented to me one evening while attending an AA Big Book meeting. The chairperson stood at the front of the room with an open book and yelling like an old-time evangelist preacher. It scared the hell out of me. I crept along the wall, not wanting to be noticed, and proceeded to the coffee bar. I sat along the wall and listened as I didn’t dare to raise my hand in fear. After the meeting, everyone left except for the coffee maker and me. I had once sponsored Kenny and told him what I had just witnessed. “Kenny, this is the worst meeting I have ever attended.” His reply hit me with a ton of bricks. He replied, “I love this meeting,”. He went on to say how he learns so much from this fellow. I left the meeting wondering what was wrong with Kenny’s thinking. I contemplated what he said and what I thought. We had both seen the same thing. He loved it, and I hated it. How can that be? I then realized that we both had interpreted what we saw based on different experiences and values. Maybe it was me who was wrong. When I think of that night, I realize there are no facts about life. Based on my perception, it is all about what is happening in my head at any moment.

I now look at everything with an open mind. One of my favorite authors and lecturers, Wayne Dyer, said, “When I change how I look at things, the things I look at change.” This shift in my consciousness has made all the difference in the past twenty years.

I will listen to that episode and see how it compares to my thinking about life. Once again, I could be wrong.

We all have heard someone say this simple phrase in a meeting. It is very profound in its meaning, and we all have a good idea of what it means. Some would say it’s about being grateful for what I have, whether in abundance or lack thereof.

After listening to others’ explanations of its meaning, I, of course, have come up with my own. There is a third part of that puzzle, “Is the glass the right size.” The size is in reference to my expectations. The higher my expectation the larger the glass is. Whatever is inside will always become smaller. When my expectations are low, or not at all, the glass becomes much smaller, and what’s inside can spill over the edges.

Keeping my expectations in check is a lifelong endeavor. In almost four decades of attending meetings all over the United States and a few European countries it seems expectations are a defect we all need to put on our list. The difference today is that I know when I am doing it, and have a choice, in that moment, to either lower that expectation into reality or drop it all together. Most days I am successful, but when I let my EGO take command and expect more than others can give, I pay the price. I have to make many mistakes for it to fully sink in.

In the Big Book stories, Doctor Paul said, “My serenity is in inverse proportion to my expectations. ” This is a good reminder to paste on my refrigerator at home or on the bathroom mirror. Some days, I can’t be reminded enough. It is about progress, not perfection, anyway.

Recently, I became hooked on the TV comedy series “My Name is Earl.” I realized Earl was working on steps 8 and 9 by the third episode. If you have already seen the series, bear with me. The story is about Earl, a petty crook whose life is a mess. He learns that good things will happen to him if he does good things for others. He creates a list of everyone he has wronged since childhood. As he attempts to do right with each person on the list, things don’t turn out according to his plan. He finds himself in one mess after another, but by the end of each episode, things work out right, and he crosses that person off the list. As he continues to do good, good things happen to him.

In the past few years, I’ve found the teachings of Buddha more and more in line with the way God wants me to act. The Buddhists call it Karma, while in Christian teachings, it’s written: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” If I’m not mistaken, they both say the same thing.

I created my list and completed the amends with those I had hurt long ago. The result was a huge burden lifted off my soul. Since then, I have been trying my best to treat others fairly, hold my hand out to anyone in need, and, equally important, practice Karma on myself. I’m very gentle when criticizing myself, after all, I’m the one I should love the most.

I live in the now, and the result is that I am happy, joyous, and, above all, free.