Stage II Recovery

Posted on June 22, 2024 by levasseurjohn

In a meeting the other day, someone said in an angry tone, “Oh, another psychology session!” The topic was dealing with anger and fear. My first reaction was to comment, but I remember the phrase, “restraint of pen and tough.” In this case, my opinion would not have been constructive. I’m reminded how we are all entitled to our own views, even if that opinion doesn’t live up to what I expect. So, for the next half hour, I pondered what to do. The first EGO response was to comment and leave, as this would not be productive for me as I was festering resentment. By keeping quiet and not responding, I was giving myself a chance to look at myself with the knowledge of 37 years of listening at meetings, reading dozens of addiction recovery books, listening to hundreds of speakers on and off the internet, and writing nine books. You would think I could jump into “recovery mode” and say the perfect things to express my feelings.

Let me back up a bit to how this all started. I firmly believe in the ideas of our forefathers like Earnie Larson. He wrote many great books, but the one I like the most is, “Stage II Recovery, Life Beyond Addiction.” Ernie said, “I have two problems. Problem A is my Alcoholism, and problem B is all the rest of the stuff.” He said, “If I don’t care for problem B, problem A will take care of it.” He was saying how I needed to find a way to deal with life as it unfolded, or I would go back to my primary addiction, which for me was alcohol. How do I learn to deal with life on life’s terms if not by being taught by my peers? What better place to learn than at an AA or other addictions-related meeting?

Problem A has long since been moved to the back burner. I know it is always there to ruin my life once again, but as long as I’m aware of the temptations and triggers of my addiction, I have a chance. I don’t consider a topic about fixing those flaws, which may cause me to slip as being a meeting on Psychobabble. It’s a meeting on finding and shining a light on ideas from old-timers. Of course, we all have grown to where we are today from those who cleared the road before us.

Although I disagree with keeping the meeting just on alcohol, I needed to find a solution to all the other stuff way before alcohol seemed like the only solution.

If you are at a meeting and you disagree with what others are saying or what the topic is, remember that you are not the only person looking for answers, and this meeting may not be the one for you. Someone else may be hanging on the edge of their chair, taking it all in. It took me hundreds of meetings to figure that one out. I didn’t want to give in to the idea that “I am not the center of the universe.” I am only a “Legend in my mind,” and half the room may not have transcended those thoughts. Now that I believe that I am well into Stage II Recovery, I have only just begun the journey. More will be revealed.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Be careful what you pray for.

Posted on June 19, 2024 by levasseurjohn

God, the Holy Spirit, and the Universe are always listening. They don’t listen to the words coming out of our mouths; rather, they listen to the voices in our hearts. When distressed, I am an expert at smiling and saying, “I am doing fine.” Those who know me better than I know myself will call me on my stuff. I’ve often heard, “You should tell your face how good you are doing because it doesn’t know.” Thank God for those in my life who I can’t fool. As for the rest, they nod their heads and turn away.

Whenever I communicate with God through feelings, my prayers are always answered. I speak with my inner voice, and I know it’s so because my emotions are always involved.

A recent prayer proved this theory once again. I had a toothache for three days until I couldn’t take it anymore. The over-the-counter painkillers were not working. At the dentist’s office, they injected six shots to numb the tooth so it could be removed. The pain was still so intense the tooth could not be pulled. The doctor gave me an antibiotic, and we concluded that all my teeth needed to come out, and dentures were my only solution. I signed up, gave them my credit card, and made an appointment. The antibiotic worked after two more days, and the pain went away. Now, I faced the decision to have them all pulled. Before this, I hadn’t been to the dentist in fifty years, all due to fear. I am one of those who are terrified when it comes to teeth. I have faced many life-threatening severe situations in my life, and going to the dentist heads the list.

As the time drew near, I started to chicken out. On the morning of the surgery, I awoke thinking of any excuse for not going. My thoughts had an abundance of feelings, mostly fear. After drinking my coffee, I checked my phone, and there was a message only ten minutes before to call the dentist’s office. When I called, the receptionist said that the new temporary dentures were not ready, and they could not pull my teeth that day. I was so relieved. After thinking about it, I realized that my thoughts and feelings were seen as a prayer and answered. I am writing about this the next day; if I hadn’t prayed to put the procedure off, it would be over. Now, I must go through another week of fear and anxiety.

God is always listening. My mood and attitude could also be considered a prayer. When I complain, there are always feelings involved. Once I find myself in that negative space, I want more. Negative attracts negative. Could it be that I am asking God for something to happen that I don’t like? That is the case. The saying, “Bad things come in threes,” is one example of setting up my expectations. The language of the heart, emotions, and feelings can sometimes be mistaken for prayer. When I am in a sour mood, I have witnessed that sour thinking is all I can come up with, and not-so-great things come my way. On the other hand, when I am sincerely trying to be positive and grateful for all I have along with my learning experiences, what comes is more chances to learn and grow.

In conclusion, I’ve come to realize that feelings with attached thoughts can be taken by powers greater than myself to be a request for help. The Universe answers all requests. Sometimes it’s, “No,” while other times, the answer is “Not now.”

Today, I’m constantly aware of what’s being shuffled in and out of my head and especially aware of those thoughts with feelings attached. Beware of negative thoughts, especially those with feelings. If negative, change the thought. I do it by asking God for help and realizing I am at this place for a reason, and there is something to learn. Then, I become grateful for the opportunity to change the situation with God’s help. God is where my strength to endure comes from. If I have learned anything in my sobriety, it’s that I am not alone, and when I choose, I can plug into a power that loves me and will stand by my side during those lessons that I must learn. I know the power is there, as I have proven it dozens of times through how I pray, so I am cautious about what I pray for and especially mindful if feelings are involved.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Accept or Challenge

Posted on June 15, 2024 by levasseurjohn

The famous escape artist Harry Houdini had an unexpected lesson during one of his escape attempts. He had claimed many times publicly that there was no jail cell from which he could not free himself. On one occasion, he was challenged to escape from the world’s best cell door lock. After a guard thoroughly searched for any keys, his wife kissed him before leaving. During the kiss, she passed a piece of wire he had used on other occasions to make a key while in confinement.

After being isolated in the cell, Harry used the wire to create a perfect key. He reached through the bars, and after many attempts, he could not get the lock to budge. He thought he had finally met his match. In the last few seconds of the time limit that was put upon him, he leaned against the cell door, and it opened. You see, the jailer had neglected to lock the door when Harry was placed in, hence he walked to freedom and no one, until recently, knew how he set himself free.

Now, you might think, what does this have to do with changing my outlook on life and how it relates to addiction recovery? At some point in our lives, we are all placed in an imaginary cell. During that time, behind our emotional bars, each of us could see no way out. For me, it was a charge of assault with a deadly weapon. I was guilty through the eyes of the seventeen witnesses and through my own. For all practical purposes, the cell door was closed and locked.

Out of desperation, I asked God for help. The asking was from my innermost being. “Please, God, help me.” Within a week, I leaned against what I thought was a locked door, and it opened. It opened when the judge sentenced me to a one-year sentence, suspended if I attended AA regularly and did not come before him for any reason. The door was unlocked all along, but until I realized the power within, the answer didn’t come.

In decades of continued sobriety, I’ve been involved in many situations that seemingly had no answer until I leaned against the door. Don’t let your mind keep you in prison when all you need to do is ask for help.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

“The Dragonfly” (Wonderful little story I found)

Posted on June 12, 2024 by levasseurjohn

Once, in a little pond, in the muddy water under the lily pads, there lived a little water beetle in a community of water beetles. They lived a simple and comfortable life in the pond with few disturbances and interruptions.

Once in a while, sadness would come to the community when one of their fellow beetles would climb the stem of a lily pad and would never be seen again. They knew when this happened; their friend was dead, gone forever.

Then, one day, one little water beetle felt an irresistible urge to climb up that stem. However, he was determined that he would not leave forever. He would come back and tell his friends what he had found at the top.

When he reached the top and climbed out of the water onto the surface of the lily pad, he was so tired, and the sun felt so warm, that he decided he must take a nap. As he slept, his body changed and when he woke up, he had turned into a beautiful blue-tailed dragonfly with broad wings and a slender body designed for flying.

So, fly he did! And, as he soared he saw the beauty of a whole new world and a far superior way of life to what he had never known existed.

Then he remembered his beetle friends and how they were thinking by now he was dead. He wanted to go back to tell them, and explain to them that he was now more alive than he had ever been before. His life had been fulfilled rather than ended.

But, his new body would not go down into the water. He could not get back to tell his friends the good news. Then he understood that their time would come, when they, too, would know what he now knew.

So, he raised his wings and flew off into his joyous new life!

— Author Unknown And Greatly Appreciated!

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Best Friend or Worst Enemy

Posted on June 7, 2024 by levasseurjohn

I was anything but my best friend in the first 42 years on this rock we call Earth. I could never seem to do anything right. I accomplished a few projects along the way but never hit the bullseye. Most of my decisions didn’t even hit the wall, never mind the target. I wasn’t happy, no matter what.

There came a time when I couldn’t take it anymore. I listened to a positive-speaking person, and he said, “Happiness is not something you find; it’s something you create.” That was probably the first baby step taken in my true recovery. Yes, I’d been sober for a while, but I was going nowhere inside my head. Another thing I heard which changed my direction was, “Even if you are on the right track unless you are moving, you’re still going to be hit by a train.”

It turns out that I had many character flaws or defects, as some call them. I never like recognizing any part of me as defective. God made me perfect, and I altered His creation with mistakes or sins. Actually, the word sin comes from the Middle Ages when a bowman shoots an arrow into a target. It was called a “sin” when he missed his mark. When I stopped seeing myself as flawed, my outlook started to change. I was just programmed wrong in childhood by two people who had not validated themselves, so they could not practice what they didn’t know. I made many mistakes. Most of the errors directly resulted from the way my personality was programmed. Like with a computer, applications make mistakes because of something a programmer wrote years ago. When found, the program is corrected and updated to fix the mistake. I can do that by myself with help. Once I recognize the trait I don’t like or is causing me harm, I can change it. It’s always easier if I’m working with someone who may have had a similar situation or knows someone who may have.

When I recognize one of these flaws, I first stop shining a negative light on it. I have known about it for many years and have been telling myself that I am a bad person due to my flaws. The sooner I stop the negative talk, the sooner the healing can occur. Negative talk creates negative feelings. It’s like beating yourself over the head with a hammer. It feels so good when you stop. The only person who can stop picking on me is me, not a friend, a relative, or my sponsor. It is up to me to recognize when I’m doing it and take a moment to shine a light on the good things I have done. At first, I didn’t think there were any good traits, but there were many.

The next thing was to trace the character flaw back to its root. One example for me is impatience. I couldn’t wait for the burger to be fully cooked. I would take it out before it was time and get upset with myself because the meat was not cooked enough. I wondered, what’s that all about? It turns out, I couldn’t count on my parents to follow through with anything in childhood. I would hear the promise, but the promise was always broken. This created the fear of being alone and not worth having anything good. As an adult, I assumed I had to get what I wanted immediately, as later wouldn’t come. It was a fear of being disappointed. That fear could be traced to many other character flaws. I had to realize that it would come if I wanted it to. I have control over my destiny, not my parents.

One exercise my hypnotherapist had me do was to write a letter as a sober adult to my damaged inner child. Believe it or not, there exists, in my mind, the energy created during my childhood. I called the inner me Little John. The letter went something like this.

“Little John, I am here to let you know I am sober now and love you. You have nothing to fear, and you can count on me to be there for you. What happened in the past is gone. We together can do anything. Whenever you feel afraid, remember how that is old thinking and now is now. Take this letter out and read it whenever you feel upset. Remember, I am here and love you. Your big self.” Once on paper, I tore off a corner of the letter and ate it. The symbolism of the letter, now a part of my heart, worked as an instrument of healing. When I felt uneasy about a situation, I would remind Little John to take out the letter and read it.

As an adult, I constantly remind myself that there is no fear in God’s hands. “Turn my will and life over to God” has a new meaning for me today. Like any other tool in the box, it’s only good when I’m using it.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

The Serenity Prayer in Action

Posted on June 5, 2024 by levasseurjohn

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” This prayer isn’t just a set of words; it’s a practical tool that can guide anyone in managing their thoughts and emotions throughout the day.

Every problem or situation, real or imagined, centers somewhere in my mind. All problems start and stop with a thought. What if I could look at my issues differently? What if I could see difficulties as challenges rather than someone or something out to get me?

The Course in Miracles says, “Life is a series of lessons. I don’t get to choose the lesson, but I do get to choose how I react to it.” Does this mean it’s more about my reaction than the problem itself?

Max Planck, the German theoretical physicist who originated quantum theory in 1918, stated, “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” This not only applies to quantum physics but also to my daily thoughts. Have you ever noticed that when a problem is considered from a different angle or after sharing it with another person, it isn’t as big as it seems?

I guess it’s time to ask, “Now that I know my problems are all in my head, what do I do about them?”

The answer is to observe my thinking. Inside my inner world, more than one thing happens at the same time. First, there’s “The Thinker or EGO.” That is where all the chatter comes from. Then there is “The Observer.” The Observer sits off to one side and watches what’s happening with “The Thinker.” Then there is “My True Self.” This is where I make decisions and act. I’ve trained myself to step into “The Observer” role and watch what is going on with the other two. Once in “The Observer”, it’s easier to guide “My True Self” in a healthier direction and implement the Serenity Prayer. This prayer has three sections. Once the issue is observed, all sections can be called into action. I might write down the things I cannot control. Then, write about the things I have influence over. Knowing the difference allows “The Observer” to guide “My True Self.” in making the right decision.

This process may sound confusing at first, but rest assured: Once mastered, you’re thinking process will be revolutionized. Your rambling mind will come under control, and your ‘True Self’ will sense the Serenity we ask God to grant us. It’s a simple yet powerful practice that can profoundly change your life.

Don’t just read about it. Put this concept into action every day for a week and witness the potential for peace to enter your mind. So, what do you have to lose? It’s your choice to invite Serenity into your life or not! There is the old saying, “Misery loves company.” Does your misery love having you around? Mine doesn’t, because I choose Serenity instead.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Navigating Life

Posted on June 2, 2024 by levasseurjohn

During this morning’s AA meeting, today’s topic guided me into writing this article. What came to mind didn’t have anything to do with the reading, but sometimes, that’s the way my mind works. It has a way of getting me to think in ways that helps me understand complicated issues. My Zodiac sign is Pisces, since I began this life in March; my thinking differs from most. We are a very visual group. Just reading the words doesn’t convey the message. I need to visualize or see a story attached to the idea, and then I can understand. It was like that today.

During the meeting, while others were speaking and I should have been listening, I pictured the navigation application on my cell phone called Waze. It’s a free program that gets me where I want to go. I think most of us have one of these applications. My mind compares that app to the program of recovery. First of all it is something outside of me that’s designed to help me navigate to a destination, and it’s free. The AA program does that.

Waze shows me where I am starting from, and how long it will take to reach my destination. Along the road, it shows me where the hidden obstacles are, such as ruts in the road, where the police are hiding, broken down vehicles, and even where the best restaurants, or in my case, ice cream shops are located. A good AA sponsor will tell me where the pitfalls are as I go along my recovery road. My sponsor knows because he’s experienced many of them or is aware of someone who has. As I travel toward the goal, Waze shows me where to turn and the distance to the next rest stop. My sponsor has often told me, “Don’t do that.” Sometimes, I listen; while others I need to experience it myself and endure the pain. Waze also allows me to turn off the path and navigate myself. It may tell me to make a U-turn, or it will direct me through some neighborhoods that I shouldn’t be in, but eventually, it will suggest a route that will put me back on the best road.

My sponsor is usually right all the time, so if I want the easier, softer way, I must listen to him. Waze will also show the road in red, meaning the traffic is heavy or stopped. Through others’ experiences, the program again shows me the easier, softer way. I can wait in line with others or take the alternant road which is suggested. It may take longer, but I will arrive safer.

It’s up to me to pay attention to what others are saying and especially seek advice from my sponsor when I embark on a journey where I have no experience. I still, after three decades of practicing this stuff, go off on my own to learn a new lesson which usually has emotional or financial pain attached to it. You have a choice: choose the least painful road or like many before you have done, suffer.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

How to Deal with Difficult People

Posted on May 31, 2024 by levasseurjohn

Difficult people can be a lifelong curse. I don’t know anyone who doesn’t have at least one person within shouting distance who they could live without. It might be the checkout clerk at the grocery store, in a non-profit where you are a trustee or even your neighbor. They could also hide at work, church, or even your immediate family.

We all know who these people are, and while I try to keep my distance, they inevitably find their way into my inner circle with their primary purpose of pushing my buttons. They even managed to find the buttons I didn’t know I had. Patience and self-awareness are crucial tools in dealing with these troubled individuals, even if it doesn’t always yield immediate results. Patience in particular, can be a powerful force in encouraging these individuals to look within themselves to understand what’s causing their own unhappiness. God forbid, it could even be me who is troubling them.

In my search for a more manageable way to handle difficult individuals, I’ve discovered a powerful solution and it starts with me. The less I appreciate who I am, the more challenging these people become. However, once I embark on a journey of self-forgiveness and self-acceptance, I begin to truly love myself. This newfound self-love has had a profound impact on my interactions with difficult people. They no longer appear as frequently, and when they do, I find myself handling them with much more grace and ease.

At some point, it may be necessary to confront an individual if you can’t get away from them altogether. I use a straightforward method. First, I bring to their attention one positive trait about them. Once comfortable, I address my concerns and follow up with positive remarks. This way, they are kept off guard and can’t get defensive immediately. Finishing on a positive note leaves them feeling okay for the moment. Now, the difficult person has one of your concerns to work on. This method works nine out of ten times. When it doesn’t, the correct thing to do is bow out as gracefully as possible and give it a try another day. It may be they have a difficult person in their life to deal with which I have no control over.

One of the difficult persons in my life is a big mouth who likes to dominate the meetings. He is always trying to hustle the young girls while sponsoring a dozen men. When I see him come through the door, I want to leave. Then he sits with all the men he sponsors. It was then that I realized that I was sitting by myself. Who is the one who may be doing the right thing? He might be right and I’m not. It gives me something to look at. Expectations can be a big problem for me. There is always two sides to every coin. The good news is, I don’t have to be around that person and if I work on my own shortcomings the other persons may not be as glaring after all, it’s all about becoming a better me.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Why is My Plate so Full?

Posted on May 30, 2024 by levasseurjohn

It matters not the extent of your education, how many years you’ve been sober, or the number of your last birthday; we all have cried out at some point, “Why is my life such a mess?”

For years, I stared at the problems, and the problems grew. I followed friends at work, church, or on the softball team who had more things going in their lives, and they handled their situations much smoother than I did. My solution was to do it all right now. With this approach, projects overlapped in my mind. My thinking was too scattered to see the solution, while others could see it naturally.

Finally, I asked one of my calm friends, “How do you do it?” The answer was simple. Why hadn’t I seen it all along?

He said, “First, buy a whiteboard and a dry-erase marker and hang it up where you can see it.”

He said I should use the marker to list the projects that were coming from all directions, placing each in its column. Once completed, I could read the list to see what items belonged to me.

A few of my troubles included, “My daughter is driving drunk several times a week.” “A few of my friends were let go from work last month. What are they going to do?” “My wife has a pain in her chest. What if it’s cancer?”  For each of these, I place them on the board under the heading “NOT ME.” 

He asked the remaining items on the list, “Which of these has no solutions within your present circumstance?” I was to move those to the bottom with the others and head that column, “NO CONTROL.” By now, you will only have things on the board under “ME.” It’s those problems that I need to find answers for. He suggested that I even use a separate whiteboard for JUST ME items.

Let it rest for a few days, remembering how the whiteboard has the problems now, and I no longer need to stress over them. The mind will want to continue controlling everything, but keep reminding yourself about the whiteboard. You might even look at the “ME” list and ask God for guidance in planning solutions for each item.

Pick one of the simple one’s. Maybe “Clean the basement.” Under that heading, write the day you plan to attack the cleanup and list what you may need, like trash bags. Please don’t wait; you only need to focus on one thing. The whiteboard is holding the others for when you have the time. Focus your attention on the task at hand and finish it. Once complete, go to the board and strike through that item. Leave it up for a while so you can see how you are progressing.

Now, look at the board for the next project, which has a beginning and an end. Again, write down when you will do it and what you need.

As the projects get harder, it may take longer, or you may wait for something else to happen. For those times, stop and let the whiteboard keep track of where you are. Then move to another.

Before you know it, the stress will be gone, and the board will be empty. As new projects come to mind, see if they belong on the second board of things that don’t belong to you.

I have been doing this for fifteen years, and my life is primarily stress-free as long as I continue using my dry-erase marker. This method has worked for me but may differ from what you seek. What do you have to lose? The cost of a chalkboard is a small price to pay for peace of mind.

If I do a little each day, a lot will get done.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Love Thy Neighbor as Thyself.

Posted on May 27, 2024 by levasseurjohn

By now, most of us have a good idea of the neighbor Jesus was talking about. Your neighbor isn’t the family who lives next door. They aren’t the friends at work or the policeman on the corner. Your neighbor is everyone on the planet, all races, religions, ages, or political affiliations. It means everyone. He said I must love them all. It cannot be accessible at times, at least for you and me.

The second part of this commandment is usually skipped over. The primary focus is always on the neighbor and says nothing about myself or me. The simple word AS is the key. In this context, the little word “as” means to be “the same.” So, I love my neighbor or everyone as much as I love myself. I don’t know about you, but for three-quarters of my life, I had no use for me. Respect didn’t exist, and hatred was more of what I felt all the time.

When I started the healing process, the repulsion gradually transformed into liking who I had become. That was as far as I could go. Anything more than liking the reflection in the mirror seemed a bit on the impossible side. Could I ever say I loved myself? I didn’t have an issue saying I loved my children or dog, but loving me didn’t feel right. While looking in the mirror, I asked, “If you can love another, why can’t you love yourself?” The answer didn’t come right away.

Love is a feeling that originates from deep inside. There cannot be any guilt or shame present as it stands in the way of love. I realized that all the time I told my children how much I loved them; there was never any feeling behind it. It wasn’t until I made amends with my son that he said, “I always knew you and Mom loved me, but I never felt it.” He couldn’t feel loved because I wasn’t giving it. I know now that I could never give away what I didn’t have. When Jesus said, “as thyself,” he was lighting the light so that I could see that I didn’t have any love inside me.

The answer to making the light brighter was through forgiveness. I needed to look at the person in the mirror and speak gently. I remembered everything I was sorry for and said, “I forgive you for being a bad father.” “I forgive you for being a lousy husband.” “I forgive you for being a lazy employee.” The list went on and on until the bucket was empty. My guilt has been transformed into love and directed toward my soul.

After many years, I can honestly say, “I adore myself.” The saying, “I may not be much, but I am all that I have,” applies to me. It sounds silly, but it really isn’t. If I never loved who I am, how can I expect to feel the love you may have for me. Love thy neighbor has a totally different meaning today. If you don’t love yourself, try just saying to that person in the mirror how you’re doing the best you can, and how you are not such a bad person after all. Like a pine cone grows into a giant tree, your love can grow as well. Give yourself a chance to see who is inside that beautiful shell. Who knows, you may learn to like and even love that person, as I have.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment