I grew up being influenced by those around me who were more than happy to voice their opinions on how I should run my life. Decisions required a majority opinion of those around me before moving forward. Making decisions on my own wasn’t something I thought I should do. Past experience showed how lacking I was in decision-making. My track record had shown how so many forks in the road had turned disastrous.

Over-reliance on others is described in the Codependency 12-Step Program. I was definitely a “Yes Man.” My mantra was something like “I am not a yes man. Even if you say no, I will still agree with you.” If that sounds familiar, maybe you should check out a CODA meeting. I personally can’t thank CODA enough and Melody Beattie for her mind-opening book, “Codependent No More.” With ten years of sobriety under my belt, I had a loaded gun to my head. That is when I found my first CODA meeting, where we were reading Melody’s lifesaving book. It was then that I started true recovery from my addiction to alcohol. I learned that once you take away the cause of all my problems, what’s left is the reason for the troubles. The reason was me, and my addiction to other people.

After so many years needing others’ approval, today I listen to others but drive my own bus by making the final decisions. The requirement for others’ insight is desired but not necessary. I have found that the more input I incorporate into my decisions, the greater my chances of a positive outcome. I have changed the process from “Ready, SHOOT, Aim,” to “Ready, Aim, Shoot.” Now I hit the bulls-eye more often than ever.

Looking at my past, including the first 10 years sober, the process was driven by the original formula. For the past 30 years, my life has become much more manageable and a pleasure to be around. Not needing others, in a bad way, has given me more self-respect, and today, when I do make the wrong decision, I see the outcome as another lesson to learn rather than a failure. My life has become all about learning, “How the Universe Works.” That was the name the Grapevine Magazine used to publish my AA story in 2006. That was my first success in being published. Since then, I’ve written and published 9 books. Once I removed the idea that “I can’t do that,” or “no one will like it.” The “I can’t” idea has been removed from my vocabulary. Well, to be truthful, it does pop up, but I don’t let it linger. I love what The Course in Miracles teaches: “Life is a series of lessons. I don’t get to choose the lesson, but I do get to choose how I react to it.”

Wayne Dyer made a statement and even wrote a book about it: “Change your thought, change your life.” It’s simple but hard at the same time. The old habit of self-destruction never goes away. Once I think each thought through, I can decide which thoughts I listen to and which go into the “Bad Idea” basket. When the basket is full, simply delete it. Don’t keep bringing up the road that I didn’t take. Whatever road I take, it’s the right one for me at that time. There is a lesson to be had, even when things don’t turn out the way I thought they should. Have you ever learned anything from a good day? I haven’t. When I get to the other side of a bad day, week, or month, I can see where the lesson lies and how much better off I am because of that experience.

I am still in the figuring-out phase of life, and I never get all the answers, but it is all about the journey, not the destination. I need to ride the bucking bronco all the way to the end. If I stay on to the end, there may not be a lesson, but when I fall off and get back on, maybe many times, there is always something new to learn about me and my journey. I will never get all the answers, but now I keep getting back in the saddle until the ride is over, looking for the lesson.

If you like the idea I have presented, give it a thumbs up and even try it. If you don’t like any of this, that’s okay, as I have given it my approval, and that is all I need.