Have you ever asked yourself, “Why are they doing this to me?” or “Why is this happening to me?” or even “Why is this terrible thing happening to so and so?” I think we all have at one time or another, without knowing the answer, or at least an answer that works for us.

The answer came to me one day from the still small voice that speaks from the secret place in my heart. It said, “Maybe this time, it’s not about you!” Through experience, I have found that in the long run, it’s not always about me. There are times when I am just a bit actor in someone else’s play. I’m not the director either; I’m just performing my small role, so they have a chance to learn their own valuable lesson.

I experienced this many times while dealing with the emotional pains my children went through while growing up. It was not easy to take a back seat and watch each scene unfold without being in control. Once out of the dark and into the light, my children could see the lesson they alone could have learned.

One example of this lesson happened when my 16-year-old daughter was asked to leave her mother’s house. We were divorced, and I couldn’t take her in as I was in the middle of my own living problems. She moved in with six other teens in a second-floor two-bedroom apartment. Drinking and pot smoking were happening regularly. She was working in a Favor Shoe store and survived an armed robbery. I was terrified of the perceived danger she put herself in, and the anguish was driving me crazy.

While speaking to a friend about my problem of being the lead actor, the friend asked me some simple questions. “Do you believe in God?” The answer came quickly, “Of course I do!” She asked, “Do you believe God has a plan for your life?” Again, the same answer. Her voice became louder, “Then why the F… can’t you believe God has a plan for her life and you are only a small part of her plan, NOT THE STAR!” At first, I was shocked she would speak to me in such a rude tone. After taking a deep breath, I realized she was right. God did have a plan for my daughter, and she was in the process of learning her own lessons. By the way, after I stepped back from trying to run her life, she realized for herself where things were headed and moved out of the situation and in with me after my living issues were solved. Be careful what you ask for. Today, she is married to a very successful provider, and he’s a loving father to her three children.

In my daughter’s play, there was a lesson for me to learn as well: nothing happens in God’s world by mistake; everything has a purpose. My job is to recognize my part in the play. Sometimes I am the windshield, and other times, I’m the bug.