I‘ve been playing the lottery for better than twenty years now and have only won the lowest prize, a free ticket, a half dozen times. I did win $40 once. The rest of the time I’ve been supporting the Florida School System or at least it’s where they say my money goes. I would rather believe it’s in the school system than in the pocket of some corrupt millionaire Politician.

So with that said why isn’t it I haven’t won the big prize? You would think if I purchased tickets often enough, I would win it, at least once.

I had a conversation with God, about a year ago, and asked the question, “Why not me?” The answer I received was louder than normal for the still small voice, “The odds really are one in fifty-four million.” Needless to say, I wasn’t happy with the answer. Why didn’t I received the answer twenty years ago and saved thousands of dollars? Truth be told, I never asked.

After contemplating His answer further, I was lead to the conclusion, that’s just the way it is. Turns out, “God will do for me what I can’t do for myself.” For all I know, this could be one of those unanswered prayers  I’m told about. Would I really be a better person with millions of dollars in the bank? I know of one person who has more than twenty million, and I don’t feel she is happy. I now believe happiness on the outside isn’t real and doesn’t last. Yes, fancy things are nice, but they get old and break which causes misery. I know me. I know I would try to change the lives of many with my money. My actions may deprive them of a lesson they alone must learn.

So now with all of that said, I still buy lottery tickets and hope to win, knowing it may not be the best thing for me. It sounds a little like when I was drinking. I knew at the beginning of the day when I opened my first beer, I would not stop and may get in trouble or at the least not feel so good tomorrow. Like the lottery tickets, I did it anyway. Maybe this is just another addiction I have to take a look at. My feeble brain says, “Maybe God wants me to win, but if I don’t have a ticket I can’t fulfill his will.” How does that sound like denial?

Am I the only one who thinks this way?