This statement was one of the many that I could not wrap my head around in early sobriety. Step Two says, “Came to believe a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.” Sanity is defined as “The ability to think and behave healthily and rationally.” Insane is defined as “A state of mind that prevents normal perception, behavior, or social interaction.”

So if I were to be restored to sanity, it must mean I was insane. When I arrived at my first meeting and listened to “How It Works,” as the second step was read, I said to myself, “Obviously, this doesn’t apply to me.” I was a Software Engineer with a responsible position during the day and a knock-down drunk at night. In my head, it didn’t seem to apply. I watched the movie, One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest, and pictured Jack Nicholson running down the hallway with his rear end hanging out of his hospital gown. That wasn’t me; I was not insane.

The truth of the matter was, when it came to alcohol, my thinking was idiotic. I certainly didn’t think or behave rationally. Once the freight train was put in motion, it wasn’t going to stop until I passed out, in a blackout or not, or was arrested. It took a lot of convincing, but I did finally see that when it came to drinking, I was insane.

Once I stopped drinking and could look at my behavior, it was evident that step two was right up my alley. It says a power greater than I can do what I cannot do for myself, and that is to look at my life as a drunk. I didn’t like what I saw, but I knew the Promises would help me see my past as something that needed a lot of forgiveness.

As I worked the other steps, my life became better than I ever could have imagined. I am so grateful God was watching over me during all of those crazy times.