Remember those old shortcomings or character defects we thought were put to bed? As it turns out, they don’t go away but sit in the back of our minds, waiting for an excuse to come out and shine. They’re still there, with all the destructive power they carried the first time. I dragged all my character flaws into sobriety, and every once in a while, I’m reminded how they never go away.

Today’s perfect example showed me just how lightly they sleep. I was shopping at a Family Dollar Store, making some weekly purchases. I pushed the yellow cart across the parking lot to my red Corvette convertible. After placing the contents in the trunk and pushing the cart behind the curb stone so it wouldn’t roll out into traffic, I sat behind the wheel. Along came this elderly lady who parked in the front row.  She walked in my direction. I figured she wanted to compliment me on what a beautiful car I was driving. Instead, she went to the back and wheeled the cart alongside, saying, “You lazy bastard. Why can’t you bring your cart back to the store?” That’s when my blood pressure, without my permission, started to climb. I remarked how it was hot and that the store had people to take care of the carts. Again, she said, “If you can’t bring the cart back, then maybe you shouldn’t bring it to your car!” The blood pressure went up ten more degrees, and things came out of my mouth that were never spoken in church. You could say I gave her a piece of my mind, big time. I drove away while we both continued to yell unpleasant obscenities at one another.

When I switch into rage mode, I want to roll back the clock and have a do-over. Later, I thought about how I could have handled the situation with love instead of confrontation, which didn’t make a winer out of anyone. I pray she’s blessed in the same way I am with the ability to self-examine my behavior. I used the Tenth Step to see where I was wrong promptly and immediately forgive myself for the unacceptable behavior. I hope she can do the same instead of going home and taking it out on her husband or pets. She was angry over something before coming into the parking lot. The cart was just an outlet for that anger. Unfortunately, I felt attacked instead of loved and acted out of EGO instead of love.

I felt less guilty after speaking at a meeting about my disappointment with my behavior. I’ve moved on, except to take a minute to write this down.

The story’s moral is that even though I’m 31 years sober, the old me still sleeps lightly.