Relationships are something we can’t avoid. You must be in contact with people at some point in the day or week to survive. In AA, we believe everyone needs help to make it. In thirty years of attending meetings regularly, I have only known people who stayed sober, with recovering people helping them. Later, as the new person acquires some experience and knowledge of how others have stayed sober, it becomes time for them to branch out and begin helping others. To accomplish this, we need to know a little about how to treat others and be genuinely concerned about all AAs.

First and foremost, it’s crucial to make the new person feel at home. A single individual can take the initiative to approach the new person, engage in conversation, and guide them to the coffee, snacks, and bathrooms. An introduction to the essence of the meetings could be beneficial. Subsequently, the new person should be introduced to someone of the same sex and age. It’s all too common for the new person to be left alone while the AA cliques engage in their own conversations, often forgetting the significance of the new person in the room. This sense of inclusion is vital to their journey.

Treating the new person as someone special should not be carried to the extreme, either. Having a Step One meeting is good, but when sharing our experience, we should avoid looking directly at the new person. We should not point the discussion at them, which is cross-talk and discouraged. If people in my first meeting focused the spotlight on me, I might have walked out. Instead, those who shared addressed the group.

While we’re at it, let’s not forget the person with sobriety who is attending our meeting for the first time. They may feel just as disconnected as the new person. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been snubbed at meetings while groups of friends gathered in the corner. Old timers need attention too.

Another form of lousy etiquette is interrupting other conversations. Have you ever been talking with another AA when a third person interrupts and starts talking with the person you were sharing with? I have, and it’s happening way too often. My mother would tell me immediately if I interrupted her conversations, saying, “It’s rude to interrupt.” Some AAs have never learned that, but as adults, we should be responsible for respecting others. My input doesn’t count when it happens to me; the other person is more important. Most AAs are sensitive by nature and upset when our boundaries are not respected.

When engaging in a conversation with several people, it’s important to acknowledge everyone in the circle. Omitting someone is akin to snubbing them, a feeling I’ve experienced and found unpleasant. I’ve had to restrain my reaction to avoid further embarrassment. No one among us is more important than the other. Even if you don’t agree or particularly like an individual, a simple head nod can go a long way in showing that they are acknowledged and respected.

By making a conscious effort to understand and practice proper etiquette, we can significantly enhance the sense of belonging for all of us. This will help us feel like we are part of something bigger, not just a few. It’s about creating a community where everyone feels connected and valued.