By now, most of us have a good idea of the neighbor Jesus was talking about. Your neighbor isn’t the family who lives next door. They aren’t the friends at work or the policeman on the corner. Your neighbor is everyone on the planet, all races, religions, ages, or political affiliations. It means everyone. He said I must love them all. It cannot be accessible at times, at least for you and me.

The second part of this commandment is usually skipped over. The primary focus is always on the neighbor and says nothing about myself or me. The simple word AS is the key. In this context, the little word “as” means to be “the same.” So, I love my neighbor or everyone as much as I love myself. I don’t know about you, but for three-quarters of my life, I had no use for me. Respect didn’t exist, and hatred was more of what I felt all the time.

When I started the healing process, the repulsion gradually transformed into liking who I had become. That was as far as I could go. Anything more than liking the reflection in the mirror seemed a bit on the impossible side. Could I ever say I loved myself? I didn’t have an issue saying I loved my children or dog, but loving me didn’t feel right. While looking in the mirror, I asked, “If you can love another, why can’t you love yourself?” The answer didn’t come right away.

Love is a feeling that originates from deep inside. There cannot be any guilt or shame present as it stands in the way of love. I realized that all the time I told my children how much I loved them; there was never any feeling behind it. It wasn’t until I made amends with my son that he said, “I always knew you and Mom loved me, but I never felt it.” He couldn’t feel loved because I wasn’t giving it. I know now that I could never give away what I didn’t have. When Jesus said, “as thyself,” he was lighting the light so that I could see that I didn’t have any love inside me.

The answer to making the light brighter was through forgiveness. I needed to look at the person in the mirror and speak gently. I remembered everything I was sorry for and said, “I forgive you for being a bad father.” “I forgive you for being a lousy husband.” “I forgive you for being a lazy employee.” The list went on and on until the bucket was empty. My guilt has been transformed into love and directed toward my soul.

After many years, I can honestly say, “I adore myself.” The saying, “I may not be much, but I am all that I have,” applies to me. It sounds silly, but it really isn’t. If I never loved who I am, how can I expect to feel the love you may have for me. Love thy neighbor has a totally different meaning today. If you don’t love yourself, try just saying to that person in the mirror how you’re doing the best you can, and how you are not such a bad person after all. Like a pine cone grows into a giant tree, your love can grow as well. Give yourself a chance to see who is inside that beautiful shell. Who knows, you may learn to like and even love that person, as I have.