On a tragic day, I asked God the question, “Why?” It involved my firstborn son, who was deformed and only lived for a few hours. I asked, “God, why did you have to take such a beautiful soul without giving him a chance at life? Why not take a sinner like me?” It was much later, when I finally sobered up, that the answer came. It was a still, small voice, and the answer wasn’t what I expected. The voice said, “You know that bumper sticker you see on some cars, ‘Shit Happens,’ well that one is mine.” The message said that God has nothing to do in most bad situations. Later, I was given more information in meditation, which tied the question and answer together. In the case of my son, it was his mother’s free will to abuse her body while he was forming. His cells replicated to the point where his body was not fully formed. 

One of our most precious gifts, or it may be a curse, is free will. There are situations where I can go one way or another. Each way has its path, which leads to different outcomes. The road I chose to go down, through free will, is how my life will unfold, and it’s not only a mental outcome but a physical one as well. When I choose a terrible way of life, my body will pay the price. Sometimes, it’s not directly my fault.

It seems that when I was a baby, the cells of my body were divided in two sections and copied precisely. While very young, I remained perfect and could live forever; free will stepped in. My parents used their best judgment at the time and raised me on processed baby food. Over time, the ingredients caused cell damage, which was very slight at first but still damaged. The once-perfect cells became defective, so they copied the defects into the new cells when they divided. This process happened over and over as I grew into adulthood. It was then that I found fast foods, alcohol, and drugs. Whenever I put a foreign substance in my body, the cells continued to be damaged. Alcohol, drugs, overeating and smoking a pack a day for 25 years was what I chose to do to myself and after many years of abuse the damage is done. I now suffer the consequences of my actions. The result is I have, heart problems, kidney disease, COPD, and many other destructive ailments. Bad cells are all I have left. They continue to replicate more damaged cells, and it all starts with free will.

Today, I know that whatever direction my physical or mental health has taken is because of many bad decisions along the way. It’s got nothing to do with God. God wants us to be Happy, Joyous, and Free. In the Acceptance passage, Doctor Paul adds, “But our misery is of our own making.”

So, before you blame God for any situation you may be in, think about how you may have used your free will in the wrong way. It’s never too late to save what’s left. I know that I will not live to 100, but I will do my best with the time I have left.