Taking time for me is a topic which is scarcely talked about, and few articles or books are written on the subject. The AA program leans toward me being self-centered or selfish if I put myself first. To stay sober for many years, I have always needed to put myself first. The airline stewardess explains in her flight instructions, “If the plane loses pressurization, the oxygen masks will deploy. Place the mask over your mouth first, then your children.” If you don’t care for yourself, there will be nothing left to give others.

In recovery, when it comes to my needs, I always put myself first. I won’t be able to function if I don’t have a roof over my head, food in the refrigerator, and a car to take me to meetings. If I choose, I can get by, but not at a level where I can help anyone else. 

When it’s said in meetings, “The newcomer is the most important person in the room,” they are first, but after me. If I’m not the number one person in my life, there will be no second to give away. It still sounds self-centered, but in order of importance, it is second only to not drinking. Yes, God is also number one in my life,

The Bible says to, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” The word as in this context means the same as. I can’t give away what I don’t have. If there is no love for myself, how can I give it to anyone else? I can say the words, but there is no feelings behind them. 

I started looking in the bathroom mirror while having a heart-to-heart talk with myself. I would write on the mirror with a magic marker, “I love you,” “You are forgiven,” and “God loves you.” I could site more, or you can figure out some of your own. I look straight into my eyes and say those words. I need to be serious and mean what I’m saying. I didn’t feel anything initially, but the results started coming as I continued the exercise.

Today I can actually say that I love myself. My Inner Child has been at peace and quiet for many years. This is truly what being, “Happy Joyous and Free,” means to me.