This question was raised at meetings many times during early recovery. It seemed I always had some character defect to work on or another program to attend. My addictions are similar to the Whack-A-Mole game in the arcade. With a big mallet, I smash down one mole, but up pops another. It goes on and on endlessly. There is no winning, only wacking. It’s a never-ending process.

After searching for years, I’ve found there’s a reason why one addiction can replace another. There’s a simple physiological answer and it’s how my body functions. Everyone’s body is a chemical factory. The brain has four feel-good hormones: Dopamine, serotonin, endorphins, and oxytocin. I can boost the level of these hormones with a simple lifestyle change, like diet, exercise, meditation, or an addiction. When I obsess about anything outside my mind, the body creates one of these feel-good chemicals in my brain.

During early alcohol recovery, I purchased a VCR; remember those? After watching a good movie, I went to a meeting and told someone how great the movie was. They suggested I tape the movie and let others watch it. I quickly purchased a second VCR, connected the two, and started a movie library. I would rent three to five movies a night and set the alarm clock so I could wake up and change the tape.  I didn’t have time to watch most of the films. Within a few months, there were over 3000 movies . I also purchased a computer and printer to share my library with fellow meeting members. An old timer told me how I was “switching seats on the Titanic,” but this addiction wasn’t going to kill me. Once I realized how I was only doing the movie taping to feel good I turned the collection over to the Sober Club so they could manage the lending library.

Another addiction that raised those feel-good chemicals arose when a girl would show interest in me. I could think of nothing else, even putting her first name ahead of my last name to see how it sounded. I went down the dopamine road for many years until I realized how once I changed one part of my personality, another would pop up to take its place. A famous addictions expert in the nineties made a statement that summed up my experience. He said, “I have two problems. Problem A is my alcoholism, while problem B is the rest of the stuff. If I don’t take care for problem B, problem A will take care of it for me.” Now that made sense. Replacing one addiction for another wasn’t the answer. For me, after an attempt to take my life, I was told by my AA sponsor that I should seek professional help to deal with childhood issues, self-hatred and low self-esteem. AA was the answer to my alcohol problem, but it was not the right fit for the other issues. Bill Wilson in the Big Book stated how alcohol is only a symptom of my underlying problems. The book also states how there are excellent clergy, therapists, financial experts, and many other experts who specialize in individual character flaws, which, if not dealt with, may cause me to seek out my primary addiction, which never worked.

It was then that I became obsessed with healing my inner child. I worked hard for six years in one-on-one therapy, attended many different twelve-step programs, and even opened a Self-Help Book Store for three years. That was another distraction, but this time, I was aware and didn’t get the highs I once had from such things.

Here I am some thirty-seven years later, and most of my demands have been recognized and laid to rest. I know they all sleep lightly today and will raise their ugly heads if I start down the wrong road. At this point, having a good friend or sponsor helps keep me on the right track. I still seek things to make me feel good, but awareness is my first go-to tool. Once aware, I have a chance to make corrections before the distraction becomes an addiction.

After writing this essay, I went to the morning meeting feeling better about my shortcomings. A covered container of little finger sandwiches was on the food table—all my favorites. I turned away, remembering how I had lost ten pounds in the past two months by resisting the temptation. It was seven-thirty in the morning. Then, the craving for a food high took over. Seven sandwiches later, the plate was empty, and I had my fill along with being full of regret, but it was too late. The overeater mole was back. It is time to put more awareness, and especially more effort into that one. What will come next?

You see, this addict will always have a mole to wack, but by constantly reviewing my state of mind and having the willingness not to react there is a chance. At this point, it is all up to me. Do I want to change or continue to wack away?