Have you ever talked directly to someone and felt they weren’t listening? Their mind appears to be somewhere else. It’s happened to me on too many occasions. I will express my ideas or feelings, and the other person replies with an answer that does not address the subject. They were thinking about their agenda and not listening to me. There is a vast difference between listening and hearing. Listening is an acknowledgment there’s something to be said. When I hear, I place what the person says in an area of my brain where I can analyze it later. 

Women tend to listen to one another and refrain from interrupting or making suggestions before the person finishes. Conversely, men are formulating a plan of attack while you’re laying out your case. Man’s way of thinking is, “If you are telling me about a problem, you must want me to give you an answer to fix it.” It’s a personality characteristic for men to do this. That is not to say some men are not good listeners, but it takes practice.

When I attend meetings, and someone speaks, I observe the people paying attention to the message and those making their grocery lists around the room. I know that is true because I have done it myself on more than one occasion. Some are even rude enough to be texting and that someone may even be in the same room. I know it’s true because the two will make eye contact and laugh at something they read. When it comes time for the texting person to speak, they expect our full attention, even if they need to know where the discussion has gone. Being present and attentive is not just a courtesy; it’s a sign of respect and can lead to better understanding and collaboration.

It’s time we give more respect to those who are speaking and spent less time in our heads on something else. I have been working on this for the past year. Guess what? I have learned a lot about how others handle situations that I may come across in the future. Active listening has enriched my understanding and empathy, and I’ve stored these valuable insights in my mental bank for later use. After all, why am I going to meetings? Is it to meet new people? It could be to hang out with old friends or enhance my sobriety by listening. 

It would be a shame if I were working on resentments or what I would say when it was my turn to speak when the speaker shared an experience that may come my way down the road, and I didn’t hear their answer, which could have saved me a lot of pain. There is that saying, “When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.” That can only happen if the student is paying attention. Today, I choose to open my ears and focus on where the answers are coming from.